Somewhere Only We Know
by kaitlin.perkins42
Summary: Future!fic. This story follows the path of one Kurt and Blaine in their relationship from their 20s and onward, with a few bits about Blaine's past. Happiness, heartache and hurt ensue. Some smut, some fluff. Warnings: Slash and some child abuse.
1. Who Do You Think You Are?

Title: Who do You Think You Are? (Chapter 1)  
>Chapter Rating: PG<br>Warning: Implied child abuse  
>Summary: In which we are introduced to Kurt and Blaine's adult life together, and we also discover something about Blaine's past.<br>Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character's you recognize, I'm just playing around. There is certainly no copyright infringment intended. Any and all spelling mistakes/typos are my fault.

A/N: This is my first Glee fic and I'm doing it in the future! Gah! I love the show so I hope everyone's in character, but please please tell me if you think they're not/what adjustments could be made. This story mostly takes place in the future, but the large parts of italics are the past. Enjoy!

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><p>Kurt stood at the stove turning over vegetables in the sauté pan, brushing his hair softly out of his face, when the door to his small New York apartment opened. "Hey," Blaine's calm voice preceded his entrance, his body following shortly after, already tugging off his scarf, putting it on the coat rack by the door. He set his briefcase down, walked over to Kurt, wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed him quickly on the lips.<p>

"Hey," Kurt smiled at him. "How was work today?"

"Mmm, that smells great," he was unbuttoning his coat and walking back to the door to shut and lock it. "Work was…the same as always. Uneventful."

"I'm sorry," Kurt sighed and turned off the stove, placing the pan on a cool burner. He grabbed two plates from the cupboard and set them on the breakfast bar that passed for a table in their small home.

"What for?" asked his partner, grabbing the cutlery.

"I thought when we moved here," he sighed, "I thought when we moved here, things would be different. I thought, you know, we could get real jobs. But nothing's happened! We're stuck working stupid shift work, making menial amounts of money, not doing anything import-" Blaine cut him off by grabbing his hand.

"Kurt, honey, it's okay. It's going to all work out. These things take time and we both know that. We'll get jobs singing, I know it."

Kurt hiccupped lightly, dishing out their dinner. Blaine could clearly see the tears starting to well in his eyes. "Today a Christmas card came in the mail from Schuster and his wife. What would we even put in a Christmas card if we sent one out Blaine? Nothing, that's what!" He shouted as he dropped the pan, with a little bit more force than was necessary, into the kitchen sink. He leaned back against the counter and stared angrily at Blaine for a moment before the boy walked over.

"It's okay." Blaine grabbed Kurt's elbows in his hands, pulled his lover towards him. "We'd have lots to put in that letter. We moved to New York, we've tried out for Broadway shows! How many people can say that? We both have jobs and we are thinking about getting a bigger place. We're working towards our future together. That's what we'd put in there." He smiled deeply, dipping his head to meet Kurt's eyes. When Kurt refused to look up, Blaine reached out, wiping a tear away with his thumb. "We'd have lots to say." Kurt nodded.

"I know, you're right." He pressed gently on Blaine's chest, easing out of the embrace. "I just get so frustrated sometimes. I have all these dreams, for me and for us, and I feel like…ugh, I feel like this apartment just isn't big enough for us."

Blaine sat down in front of his plate and patted the seat next to him. "Things will get better, I promise."

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><p>"There is just <em>not<em> enough room in my suitcase for everything!" Kurt was reeling with glee, trying to fit everything in his suitcase, tumbling over shoes on the floor and hair styling products splayed over the bed. He picked up a canister of hairspray, and judged it for a moment, turning it in his hand before grunting and dropping it back on the bed.

"How much space do you need? I have some room in my suitcase. But remember, we still need room for everyone's presents…" Blaine sat cross legged at the head of their bed, a sheaf of paper in his hands, checking his list.

"Oh, I don't know. I just need to bring those. And these. And this."

"Kurt, you know we're only going for a week…right?" Blaine couldn't help but smirk and he tried to mentally fit all of Kurt's things in his suitcase while still leaving room for gifts.

"Who knows what situations may arise while we're there?"

"Um…I do. Dinner with your family, drinks with friends…not much outside of the norm." Regardless of his words, Blaine's tone made it clear that he was just taunting his boyfriend.

"Well, I think it will all fit. We'll just have to squish." He grinned at Blaine. "I'm so excited, I can't wait to see Dad again." He was stuffing a pair of shoes into the only remaining empty spot in his own suitcase when a set of warm arms wrapped around him from behind. Blaine's breath was hot on his neck, his lips brushing lightly against the sensitive skin.

"Why don't we do something fun before we go?"

"Blaine! We have to be at the airport in 2 hours." Despite his serious protest, Kurt could hardly ignore the heat in his belly.

"We'll be fast…" His tongue darted out to touch Kurt's ear, sending a shiver through the young man.

"Just…let me finish packing, okay?"

"Hurry up," Blaine's voice was still husky as he backed out of the bedroom. "I don't want to have to wait too long…"

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><p>"Dad!" Kurt's suitcase was dropped to the ground as he rushed for his father, arms open for a hug. As usual, Burt did not disappoint; he enveloped his son in a large bear hug, before pushing him away.<p>

"Hey, how was your flight?"

"You haven't seen me in months, and that's your first question for me?" Blaine was hugging Carole and shaking hands with Finn while Kurt exchanged small talk with his father.

"Hey, no hello for your brother?" Finn joked, loading Kurt's bag onto a luggage trolley.

"Sorry, of course Finn." Kurt turned and hugged him, before hugging and kissing Carole on the cheek. "How is everyone, how is everything? Gosh, I feel like it's been years, not months!"

"Rachel wanted to come, too, but she had a class she just had to go to. She told me to say sorry, and she can't wait to see you guys." Finn was pulling the trolley behind him, but Blaine managed to wrest it from him, arguing that they were his and Kurt's bags, anyways. The family walked outside to the parking lot, pulling coats tight to their bodies to ward of the winter chill, continuing to talk and laugh as they piled into the car and drove away from the airport.

"I hope you guys don't mind, I've put you in Kurt's old room. There should be plenty of space for you without that old chaise lounge."

"Dad, there was plenty of room with that in here." Kurt scoffed at his dad. "Is anyone else coming for Christmas?"

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><p>His father leaned against the door jam, watching as the boys settled in. "I don't think anyone else is staying here, but I think Finn called a whole bunch of your old Glee friends, wants them to come over for a dinner or something. You'll have to ask him." He paused, taking off his customary hat, and looking inside of it for a moment. "Well, I'll leave you guys alone to get unpacked and everything. It's good to have you back."<p>

"It's good to be back." It was Blaine who spoke up.

_~2012~_

_"Blaine, if this makes you really uncomfortable, we can just go work on it at the library, or something. It doesn't matter."_

_"No, I'm sure it will be fine." The boys had gone to Blaine's house to work on a project, much to Blaine's apparent discomfort. All day he had been on edge about something and upon pulling up to his house had seemed even more bothered. Kurt had tried to discover what it was, had tried to ease Blaine's distress, but the boy wouldn't say what was irritating him so, and everything Kurt did just seemed to make it worse._

_"Blaine, what is wrong?" Kurt was beginning to get irritated himself. They were in Blaine's room and he sat on a chair near the door, watching Blaine fumble with his computer._

_"Nothing," Blaine sat heavily in his computer chair, clicking away at the keys, "I just want to be done before my dad gets home."_

_"Is it me? Do you want me to leave? We can do this via e-mail, you know." Kurt rocked forward in the chair._

_"No! No. It's fine."_

_A door opened downstairs and Blaine clearly stiffened at the noise. "Blaine?" A loud baritone voice reverberated through the walls, sending a shock of fear through Kurt, and clearly, Blaine as well. He looked at Kurt, eyes wide and gestured to Kurt to be quiet._

_"I'm upstairs, dad. Just working on a project. With a friend." He added the last bit almost as an afterthought, as though he was unsure of whether to say it or not._

_"What?"_

_"A project, dad! In my room." The door to Blaine's room opened quite suddenly and a large man in a suit came in. _

_"Who's your friend?" _

_"Uh, dad," Blaine stood up and smoothed out his pants, Kurt could see his hands shaking and he was sure that smoothing clothing was just a cover to get sweat off of his palms. Kurt had used the manoeuvre many a time when he was frightened. "This is Kurt." But why was Blaine so scared of his own father?_


	2. Future Endeavours

Title: Future Endeavours (chapter 2)  
>Chapter rating: R! (Man love, proceed at your own risk!)<br>Warning: Slashy slash  
>Summary: Kurt has been keeping something very important from Blaine, but for some reason, he thinks now is a good time to open up and share...<br>Disclaimer: The characters here-in do NOT belong to me. I make no claim to them, and am making no monetary gain, nor any kind of gain, from the publication of this piece. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who read! I would really appreciate some reviews! :)

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><p>Blaine closed the door after Burt walked away. "So," he asked, turning to face Kurt, who was already starting to unpack, "Want to…you know…re-christen your room?" A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but otherwise his body gave no notice to how excited he was at the prospect. His hand still hung on the door knob, waiting to lock it if his boyfriend were to acquiesce.<p>

"Blaine, you can't be serious! In my dad's house?" Kurt couldn't help but smile, too.

"It wouldn't be the first time."

His argument moot, at least to his satisfaction, Kurt pushed his suitcase onto the floor and fell back onto the bed. "Come on," he growled, beckoning his love towards him. Blaine clicked the lock into place and tumbled atop Kurt, catching his lips in a kiss. "We have to be quiet," Kurt mumbled into his mouth, "Finn's room is next door." Blaine assented by dipping his head for a deeper kiss, willing Kurt to open his mouth a let his tongue in. They continued kissing as Blaine reached down to undo Kurt's trousers before unzipping his own jeans. They parted so both could breathe and slip off their pants before crushing their bodies back together. Kurt had never been an enormous fan of sex. He loved the way it felt and the heat that coursed between them, electricity pulling them back to snap together after every second apart. But whenever he thought about it too much, he found it to be rather disgusting. Blaine, knowing this, tended to move quite fast once his boyfriend agreed to fool around.

He pushed Kurt forward on the bed and then kissed him before hopping off and rummaging around in his bag for something. He came back seconds later with a bottle of lubricant in his hand. He pulled the cap off with his teeth and pumped a substantial amount into his hand. "I love you," he whispered, dropping the lube and grasping Kurt in his empty hand, moving his hand slowly up and down. Kurt hissed at the contact before Blaine bent to take him in his mouth, wetting Kurt's cock, and sitting back up, coating his own in the lube he had been holding on to. "Ready?"

Kurt nodded, grabbing his own member and lifted his legs to give Blaine better access. One swift movement and Blaine was in. After a few years of practice, they had this down to an art. Kurt gasped before clapping a hand over his mouth to silence himself. He raised his hips, bumping at Blaine, meeting him in the middle. Blaine grasped both of Kurt's hips, pulling him as close as he could, skin on skin. They were already hot, with their sweaters still on, pushing and sliding against each other. It didn't take long to Blaine to finish, and he pulled out, bending to take Kurt in his mouth again, finishing of the young man. He sat up between Kurt's legs and wiped lazily and his mouth before leaning in for a kiss. He was thwarted when Kurt reached up and pushed him away. "Oh no, I told you if you're going to do _that_ - which is fine, I like it - you cannot kiss my afterwards until you've brushed your teeth."

Blaine frowned but rose off the bed, sliding a hand along Kurt's leg, and found his jeans. "You know, things would be a lot more fun if you would just let me be dirty." He grinned, tugged on his jeans, and grabbed his toothbrush before heading down the hall to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

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><p>"So how are you boys enjoying New York?" Carole asked, setting down a casserole dish on the table before seating herself.<p>

"Oh, it's interesting, that's for sure," Blaine answered first, dishing food onto Kurt's plate before filling his own.

"You should have been there when we were first looking for an apartment," Kurt told her.

"Hold on a sec," Burt interrupted, "you guys told me you _had _a place when you moved up there."

"Woops." Kurt smiled at his dad. "Well, we did. But it kind of…fell through. The rent was more than we could really afford. So we started looking for another, more affordable place to live. The place we found is fine, but some of the apartment buildings, oh God, it was like it was out of a horror film or something."

"But now, we're settled in, we've both got pretty good jobs, and we've been auditioning all the time."

"Blaine, don't lie. They're crappy jobs, dad. So…boring."

Burt couldn't suppress his grin, "Kurt, everyone has to do jobs they don't like every now and then. Boring jobs. To get where they want to be. Your mom's first job was cleaning shoes at a bowling alley."

"I know that," he scoffed, "I just wish I could fast forward to the time when I have a job that I really love."

"I have a great job," Rachel interjected, clearly unable to remain mute for much longer. "I just started rehearsing for a show at the community theater."

"Er…is that a job?" Blaine asked politely before Kurt could say it any differently.

"Oh yes," Rachel smiled at them, "it certainly is."

"So, listen, Kurt and I still have some Christmas shopping left to do. Mind if we go tomorrow?" Blaine swiftly changed the subject, turning to Burt.

"Oh, yeah, sure. I didn't have anything specific planned for tomorrow. But the next day, don't make any plans! We're picking out and decorating the tree."

"Okay, dad."

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><p>Blaine and Kurt were standing inside of a department store, glancing around and deciding where to go first. Blaine pointed their clasped hands to the jewellery section, "Didn't you want to get your dad a watch?"<p>

"Yeah. Listen, Blaine, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, and I keep putting it off and putting it off, but I just can't anymore. Can we go get a coffee first?"

Instead of answering vocally, Blaine led the way to the coffee shop inside to mall. He had trouble swallowing over the thickness in his throat, unsure of what Kurt wanted to talk about. He hoped that his lover didn't notice his shaking hands or sweaty palms or violently beating heart. What could Kurt want to talk about that was so serious? Suddenly Blaine felt extremely nauseated. Was Kurt breaking up with him? Now? Before Christmas? Here? He stood behind Kurt as the man ordered for both of them, waited silently as the drinks were made and shuffled over the table before sitting down. The silence between the two of them was audible, but finally Kurt cleared his throat, tapping the top of his coffee cup.

"I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to –"

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"What? No! Of course not! Why would I break up with you?" Kurt reached across the table, grabbing one of Blaine's hands. He used the pad of his thumb to stroke the sensitive skin he was touching, ignoring a seemingly irate glare from a table nearby. "Honey, I love you. I would lose everything if we weren't together." Blaine couldn't help his eyes from watering, and he swallowed desperately, trying to speak. He couldn't work up a voice, so just nodded and hoped Kurt understood. He seemed to, because he continued with his previous, possibly rehearsed, speech. "Alright, I'm just going to say it," he seemed to say more to himself than Blaine. "I have been thinking it's time for a change. For me. And, well, you, too."

Blaine nodded.

"It's going to be expensive, but I've been thinking about it for a while. But you'd have to be absolutely 100% okay with it first. And it's okay if you need some time to think about it."

Again, Blaine nodded, still enjoying the soothing motion of Kurt's thumb over his hand.

"I have been thinking…about getting a sex change."


	3. Forever Enough

Title: Forever Enough  
>Chapter Rating: PG<br>Warning(s): Semi-homophobia  
>Summary: Kurt and Blaine have to figure out where to go with the information Kurt has expounded. Christmas is close at hand.<br>Disclaimer: I know that these characters belong to someone else. But there is not enough of that show for me! So I had to take them and force my bidding upon them. No copyright infringment intended.

A/N: Thanks again for reading. Please please review. I know it sounds like I'm begging (okay, I _am _begging), but I have no clue what you guys think!

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><p>Blaine cocked his head to the side slightly, and thought for a minute before responding to the much unexpected news. "Kurt, are you sure that's what you want? I mean, you've never said anything about it before." The world around them had melted away; it was as though he was in a bubble, just Kurt and him. He didn't notice their agitated neighbours, who were quickly growing more and more agitated by the conversation that was taking place. He didn't notice the coffee between the two of them growing cold. All Blaine saw, felt, heard was Kurt.<p>

"I've been thinking about it. I don't know for sure if it's what I want. I mean I think I want it. But this is a decision that will really affect both of us. I need to talk this through with you. I know _now_ wasn't the best time to bring it up, but I was just thinking _You have to tell him!_ And it kind of….came out. Oh, Blaine. I'm so confused right now." Kurt pulled his hand away and dropped his face into both of his hands, moaning with frustration. He had been internally struggling with this for years; he wasn't sure if his femininity was just that, or if it was something more. Was he born in the wrong body? As he got older, it started to bother him more and more often and he knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about it at some point. If Kurt was a woman, he feared Blaine may leave him.

"Hey," Blaine knew the tears beginning to pool and reached out to gently stroke Kurt's arm with a fingertip. "It's going to be okay, we'll figure this out, I promise. We'll go home and we'll talk about it, and if you really want this, we'll find a doctor to talk to about it." Kurt looked up and Blaine wiped at a tear before smiling. "We'll figure this out together."

"Would you leave me?" His voice cracked and his chin began to quiver.

"No! I was just so scared you were going to leave me! I love you, honey. Something so insignificant and gender would not make me leave you." Kurt let out a strangled laugh before taking a sip of his coffee. Blaine leaving him had been the largest fear regarding the sex change. If he had Kurt with him, he could make it through anything. He could handle be abused with other peoples words or opinions, but he needed Blaine, who had always been his touchstone through it all. "I think we should go and get your dad's watch, and then go back to the house. We can talk about this more in private."

Kurt nodded and the two of them stood, clasped hands, and left just before the barista could come over and ask the two young men to leave, since they were agitating all of the other customers. "I know that took a lot of courage, Kurt. Thank you for talking to me about it."

Kurt could find his words, but nodded. He turned into a jeweller's. "Help me pick a nice one out – but one that he'll wear more often than just when we visit." Kurt wiped the last of the tears from his cheeks as one of the staff members came over.

"Is there anything I can help you gentlemen find today?" she asked politely.

"I'm looking for a watch to give my father for Christmas. He's a car mechanic, so I want something that he can wear a fair amount of the time. You know, something that looks nice but that won't fall apart. Can I see your selection?" The lady led Kurt over to the display case.

"I'll be right back," Blaine said suddenly, "I forgot something in the car." Kurt nodded, focussed now on the watches in front of him.

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><p>"Are you sure he'll like it? It's not too...me?" Kurt asked as he wrapped the brown leather box in bright melamine paper. The boys had returned home after picking up a few extra stocking stuffers around the mall and grabbing lunch. Carole had left a note that she had to run out and get some groceries, Burt was working his last day at the shop before he shut down for the holidays, and Finn and Rachel were doing their final Christmas shopping as well. The family had decided to see a movie together that night, so until they all got home, Kurt and Blaine were filling their time wrapping gifts and talking. Kurt hadn't had the courage or the energy to bring the sex change up again, but he knew that he would have to eventually, or Blaine would do it for him.<p>

"I think he'll love it Kurt, it's a perfect combination of style and functionality. You did a good job." He watched from the bed as Kurt finished wrapping the gift. "What did you get me for Christmas?"

"I haven't fallen for that in years, what makes you think it's going to work now?"

"One day, when we're both old and senile, I'll ask you what you got me for Christmas and you'll tell me. It'll happen, just you wait."

"How will I remember what I got you if I'm senile?" Kurt laughed but realized the implication of what Blaine had said. They would be together forever. Well, at least as long as they were both alive, which was all the forever Kurt needed anyways. They could grow old together and maybe even have children. Kurt swallowed at the unexpected lump in his throat and finished wrapping his dad's gift before setting on the dresser and crawling into bed with Blaine. He put his hand under Blaine's shirt; felt the warm skin of his chest and beating of his heart. "I love you so much." He laid his head down next to his hand, felt Blaine's arm wrap around his waist, and light kiss landed on the crown of his head.

"Me too." Sleep consumed both of them, and they didn't wake up until Burt knocked on the door.

"You two had better not be doing anything freaky in there."

Kurt woke first, and replied, still tangled in the sheets and Blaine, from the bed. "And just what is your description of freaky?" Blaine yawned and stretched before getting up to open the door.

"We were just taking a nap."

"Well dinner's ready so come on down and eat up. Then we'll leave for the movie."

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><p>"Why did someone decide that when it is coldest out, we should have a holiday for which we have to go <em>outside <em>to cut down a tree?" Kurt was huddling in his jacket, a scarf wrapped around his face, muffling his voice. Blaine grabbed him from behind and tried to warm him up.

"We're almost done Kurt," Burt told him, rubbing his hands together, "besides; this is supposed to be fun! Quit your whining." Everybody laughed as Burt teased his son.

"Well, I am also looking forward to getting in where it's warm," Rachel chimed in. "I can't believe how cold it is out here." Finn smiled at her, pulling her close under her arm.

Carole turned to Burt and smiled at him. "Isn't it so nice to have everyone here? One happy family." He nodded at her – there were times when Burt hadn't been sure if this was in his future, a whole family, smiling and laughing, doing things together – like picking out a tree and decorating it in front of a fire, with Christmas music playing. He had wanted that life for Kurt so bad, but he hadn't always seen it in their future. Carole, Finn and Kurt had all been blessings for him. He leaned over to kiss her as the tree was being brought over.

"Okay sir, we can tie it to your car while you go pay over there." The two teens pointed to a small table with a man sitting at it.

"Kurt, why don't you go pay for it," he handed his wallet to his son, "I'll stay here and make sure that it's done correctly." The teens holding the tree sighed so quietly, it was barely noticeable. But it was Burt's car, and he would be damned if they were going to mess something up on it.

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><p>The tree had been transferred to the living room with little difficulty. Burt lit the fire while the kids when downstairs, each bringing up a box of Christmas decorations. When Carole and Finn had moved in, there was some difficulty amalgamating the two families Christmas traditions, but harder than that was fitting all of their decorations on the tree. It was always a full tree every year, no matter how big of one Burt tried to find. Still, it was their tree, and that was what mattered. It took a few hours to trim the tree, but the kids were all singing with the Christmas music, everyone enjoying everyone's company. Once they were done, exhaustion overtook them, it had been a long day, from baking cookies in the morning to finding a place on the mantle for Rachel's new stocking – Carole knew that she was Jewish and so it was white with gold and blue. Kurt loved Carole so he never said that he definitely would not have made it <em>that <em>way.

Drained, Burt and Carole headed to bed first, wishing the kids a good night. "Be good," Burt said, mostly to the boys, as he headed upstairs behind his wife.

"I'm pretty tired, too," Rachel yawned. "Finn, will you drive me home, please? I'm too tired to drive all that way."

"But that means I'll have to pick you up in the morning, too. It's Christmas, I want to sleep in…"

"Finn…" she smiled at him and pulled him off the couch. "Please?"

He sighed and grabbed his coat, "Okay, let's go."

"Goodnight Kurt. Goodnight Blaine. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She waved at them before Finn pushed her out the door.

As soon as it clicked shut, Blaine turned to Kurt. "So, I think we should talk about this sex change thing now." He grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "When did you start thinking about it?"

"I don't know," Kurt shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, I've been considering it since before we graduated – I'm just…girly. Don't you think I would make a better girl?"

"Kurt, I told you I would love you no matter what. And I meant it. It you want a sex change, I will support you and do everything I can to help you. But! If you're just doing this because you don't think you make a _good man_ that is no reason to get it done. Do you feel like you should be a woman? Do you feel like you're in the wrong body?"

Kurt was getting frustrated and uncomfortable, and Blaine could tell. The man's eyes were shifting around, looking everywhere in the room, except at him. He was starting to fidget and sweat a little, even though the room was a comfortable temperature. "I don't know."

"Well, I think you _and I_ definitely need to go see a councillor about this. I don't know everything about it, but I know if you're just concerned about the kind of man you are…well, that's not necessarily a reason to get it done."

"I wish I could just see into the future. Then I would know what was supposed to happen."

Blaine laughed quietly. "Well that's a paradox."

"Hm?"

"If you could see the future, and you were a woman, well then you would decide that you needed to get the surgery, because you were a woman in the future, but if you never saw it, you might never make the decision to get the change done, even if you were supposed to be a woman in the future."

"Blaine, I'm too tired for your crazy talk. Take me to bed."


	4. Future is Now

Title: The Future is Now (Chapter 4)  
>Chapter Rating: PG<br>Warning: Discussion of child abuse (non-graphic)  
>Summary: It's Christmas, and Blaine has a suprise of his own for Kurt.<br>Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: I usually post something as soon as I write it, but I waited a couple days before posting this one. I wanted to make sure it said EXACTLY what I wanted it to say. Thank you again to everyone for reading!

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><p>Kurt was the first in the household to wake on Christmas morning. He quietly got out of bed, planting a kiss on the still sleeping Blaine's forehead. Grabbing his housecoat from the back of the door and the bag of stocking stuffers, he opened and shut his bedroom door quietly before heading downstairs to fill everyone's stockings and start breakfast. It was still quiet in the house as light filtered in through the gauzy curtains, and Kurt took a moment to enjoy the beauty of the morning. Blaine liked to sleep in all the time, but Kurt felt like mornings offered so much hope and potential, he was willing to lose a little sleep just to enjoy them.<p>

After filling everyone's stockings, he went into the kitchen and turned on the griddle that sat at the side of the stove, and began cooking. The smell of pancakes reminded him of the first Christmas that the family had spent with Blaine.

_~2013~_

_It was Christmas Eve and the Hummel-Hudson family had only just finished decorating the tree when there was a quiet knocking on the door. "I'll get it," Kurt announced, being closest to the door. He could see dark curls through the window and hoped it was Blaine standing on the other side. Before opening it however, he did wonder what the boy was doing here so late on Christmas Eve – wouldn't he want to be with his family?_

_Kurt pulled the door open with a flourish, but before he could say a word, his stomach dropped to the floor. Blaine stood on the other side of the door in only ripped jeans – which Kurt _knew _had not been ripped previously – and a t-shirt. "Blaine! Come inside, it's freezing out there." Kurt could see the boy's car parked haphazardly in front of the house. He was bleeding from a scratch above his eyebrow and holding his side gingerly. "Oh my God, Blaine, what happened?"_

_The boy shook his head. "I'm so sorry to intrude on your family's Christmas. I just didn't know where to go." Kurt could tell from the face Blaine was making and from the way he was talking that he was just holding back his tears._

_Burt was coming to the foyer from the living room. "What the Hell is going on Kurt? What happened?"_

_"I don't know," he shook his head. "But I'm going to take Blaine upstairs and clean him up. I'll leave the door half open, but could we have a little privacy?" He looked at his dad, pleading with him. It had always been a rule that when Finn or Kurt had their partners in their bedroom, their doors were to remain wide open. _

_"Yeah, okay. I'll have Carole bring up some ice." He put a hand briefly on Blaine's shoulder before walking away._

_"Come on Blaine," Kurt took his hand and led him upstairs, "You need to tell me what's going on." Kurt led Blaine into the bathroom first, where he shut the door and had Blaine sit on the closed toilet lid. "Are you hurt anywhere else? Why are your jeans ripped?" _

_Blaine removed his pants to show a bruise that was already forming on the outside of his thigh and a cut to go with it. Kurt could tell it wasn't deep enough to require stitches as it wasn't bleeding. He grabbed a face cloth from the shelf and wet it with some water and soap and began wiping at the few cuts on Blaine's face and leg. "So are you going to tell me what happened?" he asked just before he was done getting rid of the blood._

_"It was my dad." Blaine whispered, as though he was afraid the walls had ears._

_"Your dad did this to you? Why?" Kurt stopped looking for bandages and turned to look at Blaine. _

_"He had had enough, I guess. We were at the dinner table, talking about our Christmas plans and I mentioned I was planning to come and see you. Well, I know he hates that I'm gay, but he's always just yelled or broken my stuff. All of a sudden he's on my side of the table attacking me. My sister and my mom were both screaming at him to stop, and after a bit, I guess he came to his senses. He let me go, but told me to get out of his house."_

_"Well…I…you're not going back there, Blaine." Kurt began pouring hydrogen peroxide on the wounds. "You're staying here until you can go back to Dalton."_

_"I don't even know if he'll pay for me to go to Dalton anymore." There were tears running freely down his cheeks when there was a knock on the door. _

_"I have some ice for you, Blaine." Carole's voice was low and sweet. Kurt opened the door a little and took the ice from her._

_"Thank you, Carole," he turned to close the door._

_"Um," she stuck her hand out to keep it from shutting, "as I was walking up the hall I heard some of what you boys were saying. I'm sorry for listening, but I just want you to know, Blaine, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need – want to."_

_"Thank you." His voice was the quietest she had ever heard it. Carole let Kurt close the door behind her and walk away._

_The next morning everyone acted as though Blaine just belonged. Somehow Carole had managed to sew him a stocking last night, and filled it with a few extra gifts she had left over. He had been allowed to sleep on the bed in Kurt's room – Kurt was _supposed _to sleep on the cot, but that sure didn't happen. They had a wonderful Christmas and that was the first Christmas that felt perfect to Blaine._

~Present~

Kurt had finished flipping the pancakes, and his reverie, when arms wrapped around him and soft voice whispered in his ear, "Good morning, love." He turned around in Blaine's arms and wrapped his own around the other man.

"Good morning to you, too. Did you sleep well?"

"Better before you left the bed. Breakfast smells so good." He leaned in to kiss Kurt before letting extricating himself from the embrace and heading over to start the coffee pot. "I think I heard Finn's alarm going off, so he'll be heading over to pick up Rachel soon. "

"Are you ready for another Hummel-Hudson-Anderson-Berry Christmas?" Kurt asked, taking some dishes out of the cupboard to set the table.

Blaine laughed at him before helping with some cutlery. "Are you?"

* * *

><p>After taking their time eating a large breakfast, the family had moved into the living room and was just about to start opening presents. It was almost noon and the living room had been warmed by the sunshine filtering in through the curtains, so everyone was warm, full and content as Finn began passing gifts out. "Why doesn't Carole go first this year," Kurt asked, "she hasn't ever gone first."<p>

"Oh, I don't need to, it's okay."

Burt leaned into her. "Hey, they're offering a chance of a lifetime here, I'd take it."

The whole family talked and laughed, taking their time opening the gifts, reminiscing together about Christmases past and new ones to come. Once all of the gifts had been opened, Carole began to rise, heading for the kitchen to grab a garbage bag. "Hold on a second," Finn said, staring at the tree. "I think there's one more present." He reached between the branches, almost to the back, where there was a small wrapped cube, hiding in all of the pine needles and Christmas decorations. "What's this?" he asked, opening the tag on top. "It says it's for Kurt, but it doesn't say who it's from." He passed the box to Kurt, who looked at it curiously.

"Dad?" Burt shook his head and it was then that Kurt noticed Blaine was sitting stiffly, biting his lip. Instead of asking if it was from Blaine, since he now knew it was, he opened the wrapping paper carefully to reveal a velvet covered box. Kurt's heart began to pound loudly in his ears, his hands were shaking violently and he could feel tears pricking at his eyes. "Blaine," he ventured, not sure if his voice would work.

"Kurt," said the other man, reaching over to take the box. "Kurt Hummel, I have been such a lucky man – instead of spending years of my life looking for the man I love, I found him and got to spend all of those years enjoying being with him." He shimmied off the couch and crouched on one knee. Rachel squealed quietly and her hands flew up to cover her mouth. "I thank whoever is listening up there every day that I have you, and I would be blessed to know that I could have you with me for the rest of my life. I know we've been through some tough times and it won't always be easy, but there isn't anyone I would rather be with than you. Will you do me the honour of being my husband?"

"Oh God," Kurt breathed out as the box in front of him opened, revealing a platinum ring with four diamonds laid into the band. He reached out a shaking hand to touch Blaine.

"Kurt?" Blaine's quiet voice wavered slightly. He hadn't expected to be turned down. How embarrassing would that be? How horrid?

"Oh my God! Yes! Yes, of course! I'm so sorry!" He fell down from the couch to grab Blaine and embrace him, kissing him fiercely on the neck. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Blaine couldn't help the laugh of the relief that escaped him.


	5. View Paradise

Title: View Paradise (Chapter 5)  
>Chapter Rating: PG<br>Warning: N/A  
>Summary: The family responds to Blaine's surprise and Kurt feels unsure about Blaine's certainty.<br>Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character's you recognize, I'm just playing around. There is no opyright infringement intended.

* * *

><p>Carole was more flustered by the proposal than Kurt was. She starting crying as soon as Kurt said yes, and barely gave him time to plant a chaste kiss on Blaine's lips before she pushed her way in a grabbed both of the boys in a bear hug. Burt was sitting quietly on the sofa, unmoved from the spot where he had closely watched his son get engaged. Rachel was trying to keep from crying, leaning happily on Finn's shoulder.<p>

"Oh, there's so much to do!" Carole exclaimed, not wanting to let the boys go. She finally relinquished her hold on them when Kurt pushed her gently away.

"There sure is!" Kurt grinned at her as Blaine gently slipped the engagement band on the younger man's hand. He, too, was trying to avoid choking up. Blaine kissed him on the cheek, slightly uncomfortable with showing too much affection in front of Kurt's father. He couldn't contain himself though.

Carole motioned for Kurt to follow her as she headed into the kitchen. As she was getting a garbage bag out of the pantry, she continued to talk to him. "You helped so much with our wedding; I want to return the favour. You just tell me whatever I can do to help you two, okay? I know it will be hard with us here in Lima, and you two in New York, but I really want to help. I knew when I married Burt I would get the chance to plan the wedding I never would have with Finn!" She was beaming at him as he nodded, taking the garbage bag from her.

Kurt's head was still reeling. After the conversation at the coffee shop, he certainly hadn't been expecting Blaine to propose any time soon. The fact that he was still interested in planning the rest of his life with Kurt was extremely moving – he knew that there could possibly be huge changes in their future and he still went through with a proposal that Kurt was sure he had planned for ages. Opening the bag, he glanced down at his hand, eyes widening upon seeing the shining ring there. That would take some getting used to, for sure.

He followed Carole back into the room, where Finn and Rachel were chatting on the love seat. "Where are Blaine and dad?" Kurt asked them, kneeling down to grab up the pile of crumpled wrapping paper.

"Your dad just grabbed Blaine and took him out of the room, didn't say anything to us at all." Rachel shrugged her shoulders and went back to talking about her musical.

Out in the hallway, Burt was staring sternly at a concerned Blaine, who was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Are you mad?" Blaine asked, trying to break through the silent tension between them. When Blaine had come to live with the Hummel-Hudson family after his last Christmas at home, everyone - including Burt – had welcomed him into their home with open arms. But Burt still seemed to regard the Blaine that was Kurt's boyfriend with some sort of wariness.

"No, I'm not," Burt replied quietly, leaning his back against the wall. "When you asked me for my blessing, and I said I would be proud to have you as a son-in-law, I meant it. You fit in like the missing puzzle piece with this family. You've made Kurt a better, happier, stronger person. He knows himself better because of you – he trusts himself, and everyone around him, more. Because of you." Burt sighed and glance sideways at Blaine, who had his hands in his pockets and was watching the older man nervously. "I know that you will treat him right, because you always have. I know that you'll be there for him, because you always have."

"I'm not sure what's going on here," Blaine looked up, hoping for some kind of (possible reassuring) answer.

"When you asked me yesterday for my son's hand in marriage, I didn't expect you to propose to him today." He shrugged, turning to look Blaine straight in the eye. "I want you to understand, I love Kurt for exactly who he is. I am completely used to him being gay, I love that he feels like he can be himself. I love that he found someone who makes him feel like that. I think you're wonderful. But the idea of Kurt getting married…I honestly never gave it much thought. I figured after you asked, I would have some time to…wrap my head around it."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said honestly. "I wasn't planning on proposing right away. Something…happened. I just _couldn't _wait." He smiled sheepishly at Burt, but said no more.

"I'm not sure how to handle this. I feel like I should be telling you if you hurt him, I'll castrate you. Which I will. But I know Kurt would be angry in he heard me saying that to you."

"I…know." Blaine shifted again. "I would never hurt him. Never."

"Alright. Listen," Burt grasped both of Blaine's shoulders, "I'm excited to have you as part of this family. I love you. We all do." He pulled Blaine into a tight hug which the young man promptly returned. "Just do me a favour," Burt asked, pulling away from the hug, "make sure Kurt doesn't go crazy. I just _know _he's going to expect me to pay for this wedding."

* * *

><p>Christmas supper had been eaten in a haze of happiness and chatter, and now, content and tired, Blaine and Kurt had gone to their room to pack their bags. Their flight home left early the next morning, and everyone wanted to have one last breakfast together before they left, so Kurt was determined to have everything ready to go. "Blaine?" Kurt asked, dropping the last of his things into his bag and zipping it shut.<p>

"Mhm?" Blaine was pulling his sweater off.

"Are you sure you want to marry me?" Kurt's voice was quiet, almost inaudible, but Blaine heard the note of hesitation in it.

He tugged the sweater over his head quickly and dropped it on the bed. He took the few steps to close the distance between the two of them, and grabbed Kurt's hands. "I wouldn't have proposed if I didn't want to marry you, honey. What's on your mind?"

"Well, I was just thinking, you know, I _just _brought up this whole sex change thing. And while it's very noble and sweet of you to propose to me, regardless, I feel like you should be able to have an out. You don't have to stay with me if…if the possibility of me being a female repulses you." Kurt wasn't looking him in the eyes; couldn't will himself to risk seeing the truth there.

Blaine sighed and tugged on Kurt's hands. "Come here, come sit." He pulled him down next to him on the bed and kept holding one of his hands. "Now, I want you to listen to me. Hear what I'm saying and try to take it in. It's clear to me that I haven't made myself understood recently, and it's very important that I fix that." Kurt's heart was pounding and his head felt ridiculously heavy on his shoulders. Blaine traced small circles on the sensitive skin between the Kurt's thumb and forefinger, trying to calm his visible physical stress.

"I love _you_. I don't just love your body, or your singing voice, or your laugh. I love _everything about you_. When we went for coffee, and you told me about the fact that you might want a sex change, I knew _right then_ that I wanted to spend every day of the rest of my life with you. Your bravery and honesty that day blew me away. The truth is that, yes, I do think it will be difficult if you're a woman. _However," _he said, cutting off a comment from Kurt, "It is not just you being a male that makes me love you – or turns me on. It's the sounds you make, the way you scratch my back a little too hard when you're climaxing, the way you bite your lip when you're trying to be quiet. It's all the little things that I've had all this time to see. It will take time to get used to the different geography, but you made me want to take this journy with you. I wouldn't have you any other way than the one that you're comfortable with. Do you understand me now?"

Kurt finally looked up at his fiancé, smiling through the tears on his face. "I understand you now," he whispered, leaning in for a kiss. Blaine's hand found its comfortable spot on Kurt's face, and he cupped the young man's cheek, letting Kurt's hair curl around his fingertips.

* * *

><p>"Well, this is where we have to say goodbye," Burt handed Kurt's carry on to him, smiling sadly. "It was so nice to have you home."<p>

"We'll miss having you around the house, boys," Carole chimed in and Finn nodded.

"We'll see each other soon again," Blaine said, adjusting his bag quickly before hugging Carole goodbye.

"I'll make sure of it," Kurt reassured her. "We have so many plans to make!"

"Bye guys," Finn hugged them quickly and they started to walk towards the security gate.

Burt came jogging up behind them. "Kurt, I just want you to know, I'm…I'm happier for you than I can say." He wrapped his son in a strong hug, kissing the crown of his head. "Love you, have a safe flight." He turned to walk away before his son could reply, so Kurt turned to Blaine, confused by his father's sudden surge of affection. Blaine shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's go home," he said as response, grasping Kurt's free hand and linking their fingers together.


	6. Como Lo Hacemos

Title: Cómo Lo Hacemos (Chapter 6/?)  
>Rating: RNC-17/M  
>Warnings: Bare-backing (in a long-term, monogamous relationship)<br>Summery: Kurt and Blaine return home from Lima, and start to deal with their problems head on, so to speak.  
>Disclaimers: The characters in the story whom you recognize are property of Fox. Only OC (Dr. Drayden and her receptionist) are my property. Absolutely NO profit is being made off of this story.<p>

A/N: This is the longest chapter I've written in a long time! Thank you so much to those of you who have read, favorited and put this on your story alert list. It means so much to me! And a HUGE thank you to those of you who have taken the time to review. I really appreciate the feedback - it keeps me going.  
>AN2: I also want to thank WPR404 for being my first beta ever. She was done with this in just about an hour, so that I could post it right away. Thank you for your editing prowess, and you wonderful encouragement. :)

* * *

><p>In the week since Blaine and Kurt had arrived back home, both of the men had needed to catch up on work they had missed while gone for Christmas. Blaine had papers to grade before school started again and Kurt had multiple missed calls from work ("Who calls a business on Christmas day!"). However, in all of the chaos going on around them, there was a certain cloud 9 feeling that both boys just couldn't shake. Kurt knew his elation about the fresh engagement was mirrored by his partner every time he looked in Blaine's eyes. That's why Blaine was hesitant to once again broach the topic of a sex change, or a transition, as he had learned it was more commonly called while performing one of his many late night searches on Google. However, he knew that Kurt had brought it up for a reason. Even if he was still afraid, or embarrassed, or nervous, he had brought it up because some part of him, at least, was ready to deal with it. And Blaine felt that as Kurt's partner, it was his responsibility to make sure Kurt took care of himself and dealt with whatever was bothering him about this.<p>

The boys were sitting on their couch one evening, watching a football game. Technically, Blaine was watching the game and Kurt was lying on his lap, flipping half-heartedly through a Vogue magazine, trying not to fall asleep. Halfway through the second quarter of the game, the show cut to a commercial break. Running his fingers through Kurt's hair, Blaine quickly muted the TV. "So," he cleared his throat, unsure of how to start. "I've been doing some…research."

Kurt didn't look up, but did close his magazine and drop it on the glass coffee table. "I told you Blaine, it doesn't matter how nice the hotel is, I just _don't _want to go to Nicaragua. Okay?"

"What?" He was caught off guard by the prompt and very off topic reply.

"At dinner, you said you wanted to go to Nicaragua for our honey moon. I think it's a horrid idea." Kurt sat up now, sensing that this was not the conversation Blaine had intended to have. He turned sideways to face the man, crossing his legs. "But that's not what you meant, is it?"

"No," Blaine shook his head. "Although I do still think it's a great choice," he grinned hopefully before moving on. "No, I meant I looked into a sexual reassignment surgery. The requirements, the risks, all of it. And I think, if this is really something you're considering, which I believe it is, we should find a good psychologist, and go in for a few sessions. From what I've read, their requirements for consideration of possible surgery vary, but most of them want to work with you for a few months, at least, before allowing you to start hormone replacement therapy."

Kurt looked at Blaine for a moment, before glancing down to pick at the hem of his t-shirt. "Yeah, I know." His toes curled a little as he considered how to respond. After a moment of silence Blaine reached out to grasp the still fidgeting hand, running a finger over the ring that sat there. Kurt sighed, squeezing his lover's hand. "I did some research, too. I think I'm going to make a few calls and see if I can find a reliable therapist. Because I'm not doing any of that real life experience shit. I think that's just cruel." Blaine nodded. He appreciated that Kurt had been forward thinking about this, too. He loved his fiancé more than he could say, but the fear that this would be his onus, and his alone, had been starting to suffocate him. The knowledge that Kurt was being proactive, too, and not just waiting for Blaine to make the first move gave him some confidence that they were doing the right thing.

"What I'd really like," Kurt said, almost as an afterthought, "is to meet someone who has already had the surgery. I'd like to hear about some experiences first hand." His voice quavered ever so slightly – someone who didn't know him well probably wouldn't have even heard it. But after years of being together, Kurt read like a very good and well-loved book to Blaine.

"I'm sure there are some support groups where you could meet some people." Their conversation stalled, and driven by a sudden, unexpected urge to fill the void between them, Blaine reached out to wrap his hand around the back of Kurt's neck, pulling him for a kiss. Kurt leaned over, putting one hand on Blaine's thigh to support himself. Their mouths met and Kurt quickly parted his lips, letting Blaine's exploratory tongue in. Blaine's fingers curled the small wisps of hair at the nape of Kurt's neck, pressing him in for a harder kiss. When Kurt finally pulled away for a breath, he smiled, his cheeks a bright flushed pink and his hair slightly askew.

"Do you want to watch the rest of the game?"

Blaine glanced at the TV, but before he could reply, Kurt's hands were already tugging at his zipper, undoing his button and removing his pants. Blaine was already half hard, and seeing Kurt instigating sex – not something he did often – brought him fully to attention. "I don't –" he stopped talking as Kurt dropped down on the floor, pushing the coffee table back, and moved to settle between his legs. He tugged Blaine's jeans and boxers halfway down his thighs, barely freeing his erection. He licked his palm slowly before wrapping it around Blaine's arousal. From where he was sitting, Blaine let out a shuddering breath and reached out to entangle a fist in Kurt's hair. But he stopped when Kurt turned to look up at him, smiling coyly.

"Now you don't have to choose." He moved his hand slowly and smoothly up and down Blaine's shaft a few times before curling over and lightly licking the tip. Blaine hissed audibly at the wet, burning hot contact as Kurt pressed down to take almost his entire length in his mouth. One hand stayed on Blaine's thigh while the other was pressed between Blaine and the sofa cushion, gently massaging his balls. Kurt's head bobbed up and down; the only noise in the apartment was the rustle of fabric and Blaine's sporadic whines and grunts. His hand was fisted tightly in Kurt's hair, but he kept himself from pushing on his partner's head – he never wanted to be _that_ guy. When he knew he was close to climaxing, he whispered Kurt's name and suddenly the wet heat around his cock was gone. The cold air from the apartment made him moan and he bucked his hips forward, longing for Kurt's mouth once more. But Kurt rose from his kneeling position.

"Wha-" Blaine asked, still unable to form full words.

"Hold on," Kurt's voice was husky and low. Blaine liked to think, and was pretty sure, that he was the only person who had ever heard Kurt's voice at that octave. "I'll be right back." He turned and quickly headed for the bedroom. Truth told, without Kurt between his legs, Blaine felt a little awkward sitting in their living space, pants a quarter of the way down, with a football game on mute. He was about to pull his pants back up when Kurt came out of the bedroom, a bottle of personal lubricant in his hands. All of Blaine's prior concerns regarding his appearance, and appropriateness of the location, flew out the window when the young man came over. Kurt made quick work of his own pants, pulling them off (no underwear, Blaine noted, letting out a guttural moan). He covered his own finger in the lube, reached around behind himself and hissed. Blaine could see the reflection of what was happening in the TV, and swallowed thickly, moving to grab himself. Kurt shook his head, not saying a word.

After a moment – that seemed like eons for the extremely aroused and uncharacteristically impatient Blaine – Kurt moved to the couch pulling Blaine pants off all of the way. And then he turned and sat on Blaine, letting out a low groan as Blaine's member pushed into him. It was all Blaine could do to keep from coming right then. He wrapped an arm around Kurt's chest and reached the other hand around to grab the man's cock. Kurt's hands landed on the either side of the pair, supporting himself as moved languidly up and down on Blaine. In the corner of his mind, Blaine noted that his team had just run a goal. He moved his hand up and down Kurt's shaft in tempo with the beat they were keeping, pressing ever so gingerly on the tip ever third stroke or two – eliciting the whimpers from his fiancé that he lived to hear.

With a low groan and a whispered "I love you," Blaine came in a rush. His body urged him to collapse after, but he leaned his head down and planted kisses on Kurt's shoulder, ignoring his vibrating body. Soon after, hands balled into white knuckled fists, Kurt came, gushing into Blaine's hand and onto his own stomach.

"I love you, too." His words were a fast and violent rush as well. His hands relaxed and his body fell forward. After a moment, he let out a content sigh and pushed himself off a peaceful Blaine. "Guess I should take a shower."

"Me, too." Blaine grinned from his spot on the couch – legs splayed, shirt bunched up and damp with sweat.

"What about your game?" Kurt asked, bending to pick the clothes up off the floor.

Blaine reached out and picked up the remote. He turned off the TV and grinned. "What game?"

* * *

><p>Dr. Drayden's office was anything but imposing. The sage green walls and deep brown, soft leather chairs invited her patients into the waiting room until she was ready to see them. Blaine was holding a coffee in one hand and Kurt's hand in the other when they entered the room. He walked up to the receptionist's desk and smiled his characteristic charming smile. "Hi," he greeted her as she looked up from her cell phone, "we're here to see Dr. Drayden. We have a 1 pm appointment." Blaine had taken the day off work to be at the appointment, much to many of his students' disappointment. He squeezed Kurt's hand reassuringly while the young girl behind the desk flipped through a day planner.<p>

"She's just finishing with another client," she said, a slight southern twang detectible in her voice. "I'll let you know when she's ready to see you. Have a seat." She held out her hand to indicate the empty chairs lining the walls of the room. One set of chairs, on the far wall, did not have armrests. Blaine directed Kurt there, hoping the physical proximity would help to assuage his nerves. Kurt had not seemed overly nervous about today, but Blaine knew him like the back of his own hand, and he knew that Kurt could put up a very good strong front when he wanted to. He lifted their hands as they walked towards the chairs, and kissed their linked fingers. His affection earned him a quick glance and a small smile from his pensive partner.

While they sat, Kurt's knees bounced up and down as he stared at the space in front of him. His seemingly calm face did a better job of hiding his true feelings than the rest of his body. Blaine leaned over so he could whisper as quietly as possible, hoping the receptionist wasn't paying attention. "Are you sure you're ready? If you're not, it's okay. We can leave and come back another day."

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Kurt spoke a little louder than he intended to, surprising even himself with the high pitch of his voice. He shook his head and put a palm on his thigh to still his legs. "I'm fine," he said more to himself than Blaine, "I just want to get started." Blaine nodded but remained silent while they waited for the door to open.

Finally a young woman with curly red hair opened the large door that exited off the room. "Gentlemen," she smiled at both of them, "You must be Kurt and Blaine?" Kurt nodded before Blaine's mouth could form a response. "Wonderful," she clasped her hands together. "I'll be with a few moments, I just have to finish up with my other patient. Please feel free to head in." She gestured to the door through with she had come before walking down a small hallway past the receptionist's desk. Blaine stood and found he had to tug slightly on Kurt's hand to get him to rise as well.

"Come on," he urged, "I'll be with you the whole time."

Kurt had never been to a therapist before – although there had been a few times in the past when his father had wanted him to see one for all of the bullying he had been through – and from what he had seen on TV, their offices were usually dark and decorated with heavy, imposing furniture. So he was surprised when they walked into Dr. Drayden's office and saw a large white couch with yellow walls, vases of flowers, paintings and furniture to match the light, airy décor style. The far wall was entirely glass which let in a glorious amount of sunshine. The room immediately lifted Kurt's spirits. As he walked toward the couch, still holding Blaine's hand, he noticed in the far corner of the room, there sat a white piano. He already liked Dr. Drayden _very much_, he decided, sitting on the couch. Blaine noted that Kurt's legs were not bouncing violently up and down anymore.

After a few moments of soaking in the room, Kurt heard Dr. Drayden entered, a large and sincere smile on her face. "Sorry for that wait," she said heading over to them after closing and locking the door, "Sometimes I just can't push myself to make a patient leave once the 50 minutes is up. Sometimes you're making such good progress….anyways, here I go, rambling! My name is Dr. Drayden, as you know." She offered a hand to the boys. Kurt took it first and shook. "You must be Kurt," she said before turning to Blaine and shaking his hand as well. "And you're Blaine, right?"

"How'd you know?" Kurt asked.

"John told me you were the one with the style," she flashed a cheeky grin at him and walked over to the desk. "Alright, I'd like to get right down to business because I don't want to waste any of your time." She pulled out a notepad. "Now, I like to take notes because it makes it easier for me to pick up where we left off when we start a new session. I can promise you that my eyes are the only ones that ever see the notes, however if the idea of having what you say here written on paper makes you in any way uncomfortable, we can just forgo that part."

Kurt shook his head. "No, it's okay. I don't mind."

"Perfect. I want you to be completely at home and comfortable here. If there's anything I can do to make you feel more at ease, do not – and I mean _do not_ – hesitate to let me know." She sat down on an easy chair that faced the couch at a slight angle and crossed her legs. She clicked her pen and jotted something down. "So first thing's first. I would like each of you to tell me why you're here. Why _you _think you're here."

Blaine took the reins, giving Kurt time to collect his jumbled thoughts. "Well, Kurt and I have been together for about 6 ½ years now. Recently, just before Christmas, he mentioned to me that he might like to look into getting a sex change."

"That must have been shocking for you," she intoned.

"Well, it was, but it was also nice to know how open he felt he could be with me." Kurt shifted quietly, and Blaine squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"There would still be a lot of adjusting for you to do with this, though."

Blaine nodded. "I was…still processing it at first. But I admired – and still do admire – Kurt's courage to come to me and say this was something I was thinking about. Anyways, we're here to kind of…figure out where to go from…well, here."

Dr. Drayden nodded and wrote a few quick words down before looking expectantly at Kurt. "And you, Kurt, why don't you tell me why you're here?"

"I am unsure of the degree to which I really want this. I don't know if it's just something I'm thinking about in passing or if I really need it to be happy. I just know it's been on my mind for a few years now, and I needed to talk to Blaine about it, because I felt like keeping it from him was just as bad as lying. It was difficult because I thought he was going to leave me – I was scared he would think I was a freak."

The last admission slipped out before Kurt could stop it and Blaine turned to him, mouth open in a quiet gasp. "Kurt, I would never think you're a freak. I love you."

"I know you love me," Kurt sighed. "But I was scared…this was a part of me he had never known before. And I'm still scared every day that I'm going to wake up and this will all have been a dream. I'll be alone in my apartment, facing all this by myself."

"Kurt, I would never do that to you." Blaine's hand covered both of Kurt's.

Dr. Drayden was letting the scene in front of her unfold, knowing that the young men were getting more out of the conversation they were having than they would if she were to interrupt them. She continued to write down small notes every now and then, but other than that, she was a silent and still observer. Only when she glanced at the clock did she realize the men's conversation had run them over their time limit. She waited until there was a break in their dialogue, and interrupted. "I think we're doing really well, you guys. We've made some great headway so far. I want to tell you a few things before I let you go, though."

Blaine and Kurt both turned to pay attention to her. They were some of the most well-mannered and polite patients she had ever had – and that was saying something. "First, I want you both to know I have worked with sex change applications before, so this is not a first experience with me. I try very hard to be fair and get things moving as fast as I can for you, but I also want you to know that you are ready. I need to know that you are ready before I will sign the script for hormone replacement therapy. For some people that takes months of therapy, for some people that takes years. I look at each person as a case by case basis, and I promise to treat you two as individuals, not part of a generic pack. I think it's important that each of you is ready for this change, should it happen to come about. So please continue this dialogue at home, and continue to be entirely honest with each other."

As she rose to show them out they both nodded quietly, realizing that they had spent the last half hour or so talking to each other and ignoring the therapist they had paid so much money to see. "And having a conversation between yourselves while in session is perfectly normal," she reassured them, seeing the look that passed between the two young men as walked to the door. "Not only that, but it really helps us progress in the right direction. I look forward to seeing you guys next week," she held the door open for them and they walked out hand in hand.

"Bye Dr. Drayden," Kurt turned around to wave at her, a half smile on his face. She nodded at him before shutting the door and heading over to her desk.

In the waiting room, Kurt and Blaine looked at each other, not noticing the few patients now sitting in the room. "I'm so glad we did this," Kurt said in a hushed voice. Their hands, parted during their conversation, found each other again as they walked towards the elevator.

"Me, too," Blaine replied, leaning in to plant a kiss on his fiancé's cheek.


	7. I've Learned Love is Just One

Title: I've Learned Love is Just One Adjustment After Another  
>Rating: PG<br>Warnings: Talk of a possible sex change, non-graphic duscussions of sex  
>Disclaimer: These guys aren't mine, I've never claimed that they are. Absolutely no profit whatsoever is being gained from this, and no copyright infringment is intended.<p>

A/N: Thanks again to WPR404 for her quick beta-ing and ever constant words of encouragement.

* * *

><p>Burt Hummel loved his son. And after years of confusion and muddled communication, he liked to think that the two of them had grown much closer and that Kurt, who was growing into a very brilliant and wonderful young man, could tell him anything. Burt also liked to think that he could take whatever Kurt dished out. He had spent a lot of his years parenting Kurt thinking about how he might react to some of the things Kurt told him. If he was honest with himself, he never really reacted like he planned to. Sitting on the couch one night, waiting for Kurt's weekly phone call, he recalled the time that Kurt had told him about losing his virginity.<p>

_~2013~_

_When Burt got home from work, it was quite common to find his son in the kitchen cooking dinner or in the living room working on homework or in his room singing. It was not common to not find his son at all, and it was especially uncommon to find a note on the counter. Burt took off his hat and rubbed his face before dropping his coat over the back of one of the bar stools that was pulled up to the counter. Putting his hat back on with one hand, he picked up the pink piece of paper from the counter and held it close to his face, trying to decipher his son's messy script._

_Dad-_

_I went over to Blaine's house to spend some time with him. Will be home before curfew. _

_Xoxo-  
>Kurt<em>

_Burt set down the paper. Kurt had never gone to Blaine's house before – whenever they spent time together at a house, they were always _here_;__where Burt could keep a watchful and constant eye on them. And even with his ever observant behaviour, there had been a few times when the boys' make-out sessions had gotten close to being out of hand. Burt wasn't sure if Blaine's parents would be as vigilant as they should be – or even if they were home._

_He walked over to fridge absentmindedly and grabbed a bottle of beer from the top shelf. He wondered if he should call Kurt and tell him the boys should come over? No, he knew that would just infuriate his son, and really, they were good kids. And – he chuckled lightly – it's not like they could _really _get into any trouble. But the truth was, he thought, taking a sip of his beer, he wasn't so worried about that anyways. He couldn't bear it if his son was hurt by someone and he, Burt, couldn't do anything about it. Keeping his son safe and secure was really the best, and only, option available to him._

_He picked up the note off the counter where he had dropped it and crunched it into a ball before tossing it into the garbage can. He walked out into the living room and couldn't help fingering his phone in his pocket. He wasn't going to call Kurt, he promised himself. He wasn't going to embarrass his son like that. But maybe he could text him? Kurt had taught him how to do that a week or so ago, and he would use it to his advantage, now._

_He set his beer on the coffee table and pulled out his phone, pushing it open so that the keyboard was fully exposed. Kurt had said this would be a good phone for him because it had a quirky keyboard or something, and it would be easy for him to use – just like the keyboard on the computer. He selected Kurt from his contact list, trying to remember how to send the message. After the little box popped up (thank goodness it said "Insert text message here"), he began to type._

_"Hey, I got your note. Hope you are having fun. Love, Dad."_

_He re-read it multiple times before tapping the send button. He set his phone on the coffee table and leaned back, beer in hand, satisfied with himself. However, an hour later when he hadn't heard back from his son, he was a little concerned. Burt knew, from _countless _arguments with Kurt over dinner, the boy liked to respond to text messages immediately. _

_Carole had come home from work, too, and upon hearing about Burt's predicament reassured him. "Oh honey," she said, giving him a new beer, "don't worry. I'm sure they're just caught up in whatever it is they're doing. He's fine." She smiled knowingly at him before going upstairs to have a bath._

_Burt ignored the churning in his gut when it was half an hour before curfew and he hadn't even _heard _from Kurt. Carole had been polite enough not to chide Burt for keeping his phone out during dinner and she had not mentioned his paranoia when she said she was going to bed. She kissed him on the cheek and rubbed his shoulder. "Don't stay up too late," she said, leaving him in the living room, where he kept a close eye on the front door._

_He felt his eyes getting heavy and knew he should go up to bed. Kurt would be home any minute now, and waiting by the door or in bed would not make any difference. He knew his son would come and say good night anyways. But Burt couldn't push himself out of his chair – regardless of the fact that he wanted to go in to the shop early the next morning, regardless of the fact that he knew Kurt was a responsible boy and he needn't worry, regardless of the fact that he liked Blaine _enough_ – Burt couldn't force himself to look away from the front door. _

_At midnight – when the door should have opened – his phone began ringing in his pocket. He glanced at it nervously. Kurt's smiling face showed up with his name under it, and Burt watched it for a moment before pushing the talk button. "Where are you?" he almost growled into the phone._

_"Hey dad, I'm sorry. I know I'm late. I hit a few red lights and I'm just stopping to get some gas, okay? I'll be home in no more than 15 minutes."_

_"Kurt…" Burt's voice was tinged with warning._

_"I know, Dad. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I needed gas until I got in the car and I saw the tank was almost empty. I would have left a little earlier otherwise."_

_Burt nodded and then realized Kurt couldn't see him. "Fine, just don't let it happen again."_

_"I won't." Burt could hear the beep of the auto-pay at the gas station. At least Kurt was being honest with him. "I know it's late Dad, but do you think when I get home, we could, you know…talk?"_

_Burt stifled a yawn at the mention of the time. "Of course we can," he said, "is everything okay?"_

_"Everything's great. Do you mind putting some water on to boil? I want some tea before bed."_

_"Sure. I will in a few minutes."_

_"Okay, I'm gonna start driving now. Love you."_

_"Love you, too, kiddo." Burt hung up and watched his phone as his son's name and picture faded, disappearing into the background that usually covered the screen. _

_Kurt got home shortly after and joined Burt in the kitchen, pouring the boiled water into his French press. He was about to add more when he turned to his dad, "Do you want some?" he asked. Burt nodded. Kurt didn't say anything until the tea was done, and he brought both steaming mugs over to the table where Burt was sitting, fidgeting and trying to hide it. Kurt sat down, crossing his legs and took a sip of the tea._

_"What did you want to talk to me about, Kurt?"_

_He looked up at Burt, studied him for a moment – as though trying to search for the answer to an unspoken question – and then opened his mouth. And closed it._

_"Are you sure everything's okay?" Burt asked nervously. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but Burt had always told himself he would be open to hearing whatever it was his son had to say. He wanted Kurt to feel like he had a confidante in him no matter what the topic of conversation was._

_"Everything's fine," the young man reassured his father once more. "I have something to tell you, because I know you'd want me to, I'm just trying to think of the best way to word it. But I fear there isn't really a _best way_." Kurt sighed into his mug of tea. "Blaine and I…we…well, we made love tonight."_

_"I swear I'll – wait, what?" Burt had expected from his son's hesitation that he had broken up with his first boyfriend. Burt had been ready to promise retribution. But as the words formed in his mouth, his brain comprehended what his son had said, and he had to stop for a moment. "You…made love?" He tried not to make a face._

_"Yes. I figured you would want to know, because, well, you were talking all about the important emotional connection, and how I shouldn't just throw myself around. It was my first time, Dad, and I know what you meant, now. I know about the connection and about it bringing people together, making their bond stronger." A small smile danced on Kurt's lips, and Burt tried not to wonder at what his son might be envisioning right then._

_"You mean…you had sex?"_

_Kurt let out an exasperated but kind sigh. "Yes, Dad. We didn't plan it, or anything. When I went over, we were just going to watch Moulin Rouge and talk for a bit. We were going to take his dog for a walk. But one thing turned into another and…"_

_"Okay!" Burt held up his hands. "I appreciate you telling me, but I don't need to know all of the details."_

_Kurt laughed and smiled at him. "Anyways, I just wanted to say, more now than ever, I appreciate that talk we had last year." Kurt stood up and put a hand on his father's. "I love you, Dad." Kurt told Burt all the time that he loved him. After Burt's heart attack, the boy had been sure to always part ways affirming his affection for his father. But the way he said it then – it had been different. It had been deeper, like it contained more meaning. Blaine and Kurt may have connected on a deeper level, but Burt felt that in some way, his son understood him better now. They were bonding, too. Even if it was over something that made Burt so very uncomfortable._

_"I love you too, Kurt. Thanks for telling me." He turned his hand over to squeeze his son's. _

_"Goodnight." Kurt turned to walk up the stairs, going to bed. Burt however, stayed at the table and looked into his mug of untouched tea. Well, that was it. There was no way he was going to get to the shop early the next morning._

~Present~

He bounced his knees up and down, waiting for the phone to ring. It had been so hard for him, when Kurt had moved out. Burt hadn't realized how much he enjoyed having his son around until he had not lived in the same house anymore. Sometimes Carole complained about Finn still living at home, but everyone knew how much she loved it and how much Burt envied her having her son around all of the time. The phone finally rang, right on schedule, and Burt snatched up the receiver before it could complete its first jingle.

"Hello?" He answered with his generic hello, just in case it wasn't his son on the other end.

"Hi Dad." It wasn't his son. It was Blaine.

"Hey, Blaine," he tried not to sound disappointed. He did love Blaine, and he did love hearing from him, he just wanted to talk to his son right now. "What's up?"

"Kurt wanted me to call you. He said he couldn't talk on the phone right now, but he'd like to call you later tonight. Is that okay?"

Burt's shoulders dropped a little. "Sure. No problem. Is everything ok? Should I be worried?"

"No, no problems. He just had to go to work for a bit. Emergency."

"I didn't know there were emergencies when it came to fashion," Burt said honestly.

Blaine laughed loudly before replying. "I think it was with one of his regular clients. Anyways, he still wants to talk, so I'll let him know to call you later tonight?"

"Yeah, thanks for calling Blaine, you know how worried I would have been."

"Yeah, that's why I figured I'd give you a shout."

"Talk to you later."

"Bye."

* * *

><p>"I do <em>not <em>appreciate you making me lie to your father," Blaine glared at Kurt immediately after setting the receiver back on the base. He crossed his arms as he looked at the younger man who was sitting awkwardly on their sofa.

"I didn't make you," Kurt disputed. "I asked you to. So I could sort out my thoughts, and everything. We just got back from Dr. Drayden's and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell him or not, but that's all that's on my mind."

Blaine softened, dropping his arms to his sides. "I know, I was just kidding." He walked over to the couch. "Why don't we go for a walk," he suggested. "You can clear your head…we can go by the pet store!"

Kurt looked up to see Blaine with a large grin on his face. "Okay, fine. We can go to the pet store. But we are _not _buying a hamster. So don't even ask."

"I just want to look," Blaine whined. But the smile never left his face. He reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand, pulling him up from his sitting position. "When we get back, I'm sure you'll feel better and you'll be totally ready to talk to your dad about all of this. Or whatever you want to talk to him about."

Kurt nodded, pulling on his coat. "What were you laughing about when you were talking to my dad on the phone?"

"Oh, he asked me if it was even possible for you to have a fashion emergency."

Kurt's jaw dropped while Blaine ushered him out the door. "Of course it is!"

They didn't get back to the apartment until 9 or so, and Blaine was exhausted. He kissed Kurt on the cheek before going to get ready for bed. Kurt sucked in a nervous breath, still unsure of what he was going to talk to his father about, before picking the cordless phone, and walking over to recline on his bed. He dialled the number he knew by heart, and waited. One ring, two rings…maybe his father had already gone to bed?

On the third ring, Burt picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Dad. It's me."

"Hey, kiddo. I was beginning to wonder when I was going to hear from you. Everything go okay at work?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. My most regular client spilled grape juice on a dress of hers – needed another exactly like it for a gala tonight. But of course it was a one of kind, so I had to just fix the dress she already had. That's why it's so late."

"Why was she drinking grape juice in the dress?" Burt didn't really care, but he always made a point of getting involved in his son's life, no matter what the boy was doing.

"Who knows? I don't ask questions, I just make clothes. Anyways, what's new with you? Anything exciting happening in the shop?"

"Not really." Kurt heard his dad say goodnight to Carole. "Although some kid from your high school came in the other day. Said he was in Glee club. Guess you guys made that kind of popular, hey?"

Kurt chuckled. "I don't know about that, Dad."

"Well what's new with you, other than the dress, of course."

"Not much, really. Just working and spending my spare time working on another musical. This one will be far better than _Pip, Pip, Hooray!_ I'm sure of it. Also, um," Kurt glanced up as Blaine stuck his head out of the bathroom. He was either wearing boxers, or (hopefully!) nothing. He had toothpaste foam around his mouth and was gripping the toothbrush tightly. He wanted to know what Kurt was going to say. "Also, Blaine and I went to see a therapist today."

"What?" Kurt could tell his father was shocked and was trying to hide it. "Why? Is everything alright with you two? You seemed perfectly happy when you left."

"We're not fighting or anything, no. We went because. Oh, Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. I really don't want to upset you. Maybe I should tell Carole and she can break it to you?"

"Kurt, it'll be fine. Whatever it is, you know it won't make me love you any less."

"I know. I just…I don't know how you're going to take this. Please don't take it as an insult."

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Dad, I just…I…"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted from the doorway. He had now rinsed off his face, and Kurt saw he was (unfortunately) still wearing his underwear. "Just tell him, you're freaking him out even more."

"Dad, we went to see the therapist because I'm thinking about – just thinking about! – maybe, possibly, perhaps getting a sex change."

"Oh." The line on the other end sounded as if it had gone dead. Kurt couldn't even hear his father breathing.

"Dad? Are you still there?"

"What? Yeah."

Kurt leaned his head back against the headboard, a little harder than he meant to in his frustration, and winced, rubbing the spot that had banged the hardest. "I knew this was a bad idea. I wanted to wait to tell you. But I was scared you would be hurt."

"I…no, I'm glad you told me. Listen, kiddo. I gotta go. I'll um…I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"But, Dad –"

"Early start tomorrow," he interrupted, "Love you." He hung up without waiting for an answer.

Kurt dropped the phone over the side of the bed and lifted his hands to cover his face. "I can't believe I did that. I was so stupid!" He felt Blaine's hand on his thigh and lifted his face a little to peer at him out of the corner of his eye. "I should have waited until I knew for sure."

Blaine rubbed his leg before moving to pull him into a hug. "Kurt, I have always been envious of the relationship and the bond you have with your father. Even to this day, even though my father and I are talking again, I have never respected or appreciated him the way you do your dad. Your dad is the example of everything any good parent wants to be for their kids. I think it's a true mark of how much you both mean to each other that you felt you could – and should tell him about this. It's a lot to take in, especially for your dad. Give him a little time. He'll come around."

Kurt shook his head. "I just hope he doesn't hate me, or think I'm some kind of freak."

"Oh, Kurt, honey," Blaine shook his head, "He would never think that. He loves you."

"I know. Do you think he's disappointed in me?"

Blaine didn't even hesitate, "Of course not! If anything, he's proud of you! It takes a lot of courage to do what you just did, and no matter how shocked or confused he is, he knows that much. I know your dad, and I know that something as important as being who you are would never make him disappointed in you. Just give him a little time to wrap his head around the idea, okay?"

Kurt nodded. "You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

Blaine squeezed his arms around Kurt's waist and kissed him gently. "I have to get up early for work tomorrow, we're going on a field trip," he said, unwrapping his arms and crawling under the covers. "But if you hurry up and get ready quick," he wiggled his eyebrows, "I might be able to squeeze in some lovin' before I fall asleep."

Kurt pushed himself up and started to get off the bed before he turned and swatted his lover playfully. "Blaine! You CANNOT rush a night time skin care routine."

Blaine shrugged and pushed his hands below the covers. "Suit yourself." He grinned and closed his eyes.

"Oh fine," Kurt groaned through his grin. "I'll be as fast as I can!"


	8. I Can Hear You Dreaming

Title: I Can Hear You Dreaming (chapter 8)  
>Rating: PG-13<br>Warnings: Men in a tub...?  
>Disclaimer: These people aren't mine, the places don't belong to me...nothing does :( I make no claim to own them, and am making no profit of this.<br>A/N: I tried and tried to format the e-mail addresses, but it just wouldn't accept the damn "at" sign! Does anyone know how/if I can make that work? Any advice would be much appreciated. :)

* * *

><p>When Kurt woke up on Saturday morning, something immediately felt off. He rolled over to face Blaine's side of the bed and instead of the dark mess of curls that usually greeted him every morning, he found a squashed pillow and sheets that were cool to the touch. Kurt ran his hand over Blaine's side of the bed; he could not ever remember a time that they had gone to bed together and he had woken up after Blaine. Most weekdays, they would rise at the same time, woken by the obnoxious ring of their alarm clock, but Kurt never slept later than his partner. "Blaine?" he called out, pushing the covers down and glancing at the clock. It was 9 am. Blaine <em>never <em>got up this early on a weekend unless he had a very important reason to do so. When no response came, Kurt called out a little louder. "Blaine, sweetheart?"

"I'm in the kitchen, I said," came a light hearted response from outside of the bedroom. Kurt reached down and picked his underwear up off of the floor and tugged it on before heading out the kitchen. He walked over to where Blaine was at the stove, flipping pancakes and kissed his cheek softly before moving to pour himself a mug of coffee.

"Good morning, you. What are you doing up so early on a weekend?"

"Well," Blaine said, dropping the last pancake onto a plate piled high with them, "I thought with all the stress of the last few weeks, you could use a break. I'm making you breakfast, then we're going to a spa so you (and I) can get a massage." He smiled widely at Kurt before continuing, "Then, we'll go for lunch – I already made reservations, but don't ask me where, it's a surprise – and then we're going to go the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We'll cap the day off with dinner, back here, cooked by yours truly." He finished his speech with a small bow and a flourish of his hand. "Don't you think that will be nice?" His trade mark eyebrows rose a little in apprehension when his plans did not elicit an immediate response from the younger man.

Kurt leaned back against the counter and took a sip of his coffee. "That sounds lovely. It was really sweet of you to think of all that. But Blaine…can we really afford to just throw money around like that?" Since Christmas, money had been fairly tight, and the high cost of a fantastic therapist like Dr. Drayden had not helped financial matters. The boys were being very cautious about their spending habits in order to make ends meet.

"Don't worry about it. I've got it all covered." He grinned ever so charismatically, and dished up a plate for each of them. "Come on, sit down and eat with me before all this food – which I slaved over a hot stove to make – gets cold."

Kurt let out a small yelp of a laugh and walked over to sit in the chair Blaine had pulled out for him. "How'd I get so lucky?" he asked, picking up his fork and knife.

"I think the same thing every day," Blaine speared one the blueberries on Kurt's plate and popped it into his mouth.

* * *

><p>After a lunch at Pavilion Grill, where Kurt exclaimed the food to be "absolutely fantastic", the couple decided to walk to the museum. The walk was relatively short, and by moving continuously, they kept from being too cold in the falling snow. Blaine clasped Kurt's hand, unable to link their fingers as he might like, inhibited by their leather gloves. "This is so romantic," Kurt sighed, looking up the light sky. "This was such a great idea. I really needed this." He looked at Blaine, who appeared to have been watching him the entire time. Kurt leaned in for a kiss and they stopped walking. (Once, they had continued walking while kissing, and Kurt had run into a lamp post.) Blaine put his hand on Kurt's cheek.<p>

"I'm glad I could do something for you," he said when they pulled apart after a moment. "I felt like…" he thought to himself as they began walking again, searching for what he wanted to say, "I felt like you were drowning and I couldn't save you. I wanted to throw you a life saver, but all I could find were these little tiny fucking balloons." He glanced sideways at Kurt to see if he had properly interpreted his extremely skewed metaphor.

"Oh, Blaine," Kurt smiled widely, pulling their clasped hands to his chest. "Your balloons do more for me than anyone else's ever could." He paused for a moment and upon realizing what he had said, began to choke. "Oh, God!" he shouted over Blaine's laughter, "_That _is not _what _I meant! You knew what I meant! I was trying to be romantic and sweet, and just…damn." But the smile came back to his face quickly and he raised Blaine's hand to his face, letting his lips graze the glove covered knuckles. "But in all seriousness, you haven't failed me in the least, okay? You're my everything right now, I thought you knew that?"

"I do," Blaine nodded, chuckles still subsiding. "But I just want you to be happy again."

"I am," Kurt said as they rounded the corner and came up to the entrance of the Met.

"You know what I mean, happy like you were before. All the way happy."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

* * *

><p>After a long day out, both men came home, tired but feeling as though some of the weight had been lifted off their shoulders. After Kurt hung up his coat, he reached out his hand to take Blaine's. "I think I'm going to take a bath," he told Blaine.<p>

"I just have to pop this in the oven, and then I'd love to join you." Blaine turned to pull a casserole dish out of the fridge.

"Alright," Kurt stuck his hand in Blaine's back jean pocket, and leaned in very close so that his lips ran over the shell of Blaine's ear with every syllable, "I'll go run the water. Don't be too long."

"W – won't be," Blaine stammered. He still couldn't believe that after more than half a decade of being together, Kurt still had that effect on him. He heard the clicking of computer keys as he set the temperature on the oven, and knew that Kurt was quickly checking his e-mail. That man couldn't spend one whole day away from the internet. He couldn't even try. Blaine smiled to himself and took their pans out of the oven before pushing the casserole in. "I don't hear any water running," he said tauntingly as he walked towards the bedroom.

"I'm just checking my e-mail, real quick. Just one…from Finn."

"Everything okay?" Blaine asked as he came into the bedroom, pulling his sweater over his head and dropping it onto the bed.

"I don't know, I'm waiting for it to load. Stupid wi-fi."

"Well, maybe if you wouldn't mooch off of our neighbors," Blaine crouched next to where Kurt was sitting, planted a kiss on his head and turned his attention to the computer screen where the e-mail was loading.

From: f_hudson at gmail. com

To: Kurt_humm at hotmail. com

Subject: Dad

Message:

Kurt,

Sorry to bother you but I was helping Burt out at the garage the other day and he seemed upset and I asked him what was wrong and he said it wasn't his  
>story to tell and that I should ask you about it, but I don't know what he means, so anyways I'm e-mailing you to see if you know what's going on? Rachel says<br>that is a run on sentence, I don't actually know what that means, but I'm sorry. Hope everything is going okay.

Love,  
>Finn<p>

Kurt turned to look at Blaine. "What do you think?" His voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper, though it was highly audible in the silence of the apartment. "What should I say? Should I tell him the truth?"

Blaine thought for a moment before providing Kurt with a highly unhelpful gesture that was something of a cross between a nod and a shake of the head. "I think that's a personal decision you're going to have to make on your own. Do you want me to go run the bath while you decide what to say to him?"

Kurt nodded and turned to the computer, settling his fingers on the keyboard in the home position, ready to type before he even knew what he was going to say. After a few moments, when Kurt heard the water stop and sensed that Blaine was waiting anxiously, he closed his computer and walked into the bathroom. "I can't decide what to say," he told his fiancé. Blaine reached over to undo the buttons on Kurt's cardigan. He pulled the sweater off slowly without saying a word. When Kurt stood in front of him in his jeans and t-shirt, Blaine pulled his partner close and wrapped him in his arms.

"Don't think about that now," he said into Kurt's ear. "Think about us. Think about this. Focus on this moment. You can worry later." His voice was deep and quiet, hushing in a whisper over Kurt's ear. He pulled back from the embrace and began removing the rest of his own clothing, while Kurt followed suit. They climbed into the bath tub together and Kurt sat behind Blaine, resting his head against the cool tile of the wall. His hands rested comfortably on Blaine's chest, fingertips just brushing the bubbles in the water. Blaine ran his hands up and down the length of Kurt's legs. "I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be –"

"Than here with you," Kurt finished, his smile audible in his voice. Blaine rolled over so that was facing Kurt, pushing his hands against the sides of the tub so that he wouldn't crush his lover. He kissed him softly, pressing harder against Kurt's lips after a few seconds, letting his body fall towards the younger man. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine, gripping at his ribs.

They stayed still, kissing and moving away from each other to breath in every once in a while. After the water had grown lukewarm and their muscles were tense from supporting each other, Blaine decided dinner would be ready. The two of them enjoyed a quiet dinner, revelling in the comfortable silence they found so easily together. Tomorrow, Kurt would need to decide what to say to Finn. Tomorrow, Blaine would have to grade papers. Tomorrow, they would have to go back to reality. But tomorrow was another day – today would be theirs.


	9. Simply Be Mine

Title: Simply Be Mine (chapter 9)  
>Words: ~1,500<br>Rating: PG  
>Disclaimer: These people aren't mine, they're just my little play things...<p>

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><p>Kurt had trouble sleeping on Saturday night. While Blaine slumbered peacefully next to him, muttering nonsense in the midst of his REM sleep, Kurt tossed and turned under their duvet, unable to grasp fully at the taunting hint of rest. He was unsure of how he was going to answer Finn's e-mail, and although he was completely exhausted from the full day he had spent with Blaine, his mind was reeling and wouldn't allow his body the rest it wanted. His mind continued to play out different scenarios that may come about, should he tell his secret to Finn. He was ashamed to admit that he was a little embarrassed about considering getting a sex change. Kurt had never been embarrassed to be himself – sometimes he was scared about the backlash he might receive, the abuse he might face – but he had never been embarrassed to do what he wanted. Guilt washed over him; how could he ever tell someone to be proud of themselves if he wasn't proud of his own dreams? But, if he was being honest with himself – which he always tried to be – he wasn't really sure if this was a dream or just a fleeting thought.<p>

It was in high school that Kurt first became interested in a sex change: what it entailed, the steps one would take to get one, what happened to the person undergoing it. He had done his research at midnight, when most boys were looking at pornographic videos, and at 2AM, too tired to continue, he would erase the history on his laptop, paranoid that someone might borrow it and _know_, and crawl into bed. Kurt wasn't sure if he was just intrigued by the idea or if he actually needed to become a woman to be happy. That was what bothered him the most: not knowing. If he could just be sure, then none of this would matter. It wouldn't matter if Finn was disgusted by him, or if his father didn't know how to talk to him. Because Kurt could feel sure that he was being true to himself. As it was, he was up tossing and turning.

Unable to lie in bed any longer, he pushed himself off of the mattress. "Where you goin'?" Blaine's mumbled question came from his side of the bed while his hand reached out to grasp feebly at the waistband of Kurt's pyjama bottoms. Kurt dislodged Blaine's tender grip, stroking his hand once before getting up.

"I just need something to drink."

"Water?" Blaine, still half asleep, hoped that his request was coming across.

"Sure, I'll bring you a glass, too." Kurt bent over the bed to kiss Blaine's temple and walked in the semi-darkness of their bedroom slowly; too many times had one of them stubbed a toe on the dresser. Once he was in the living room, he pulled the door of the bedroom shut and turned on the light, using the dimmer switch on the wall so that it wasn't so bright. He padded over to the kitchen and grabbed two glasses out of the cabinet. _What am I going to do?_ Although he tried not to let any one thing occupy his mind for too long, Kurt couldn't avoid thinking about this. His entire life could be changing. He didn't notice the glass he was filling had overflowed until he heard the slosh of water in the sink. As though he had been burned, he quickly pulled the glass away. He took a long drink from it, almost emptying the entire contents of it, before he refilled it, and filled Blaine's glass, too.

He turned off the light with his elbow and toed open their bedroom door. Blaine was snoring lightly when Kurt set his glass of water next to him on the nightstand. Kurt knew when he woke up in the morning, it would still be full. Blaine only woke up in the middle of the night if something very important was happening. Otherwise, he would sleep straight through. Thirsty or not. Kurt walked back to his side of the bed and set his glass of water down before clambering in, trying to get comfortable under the covers. As he was adjusting his pillow, he felt warm arms snake around his waist. Blaine's lips pressed a light kiss to his back. "It's gonna be ok," he said, leaning his cheek against Kurt's back and resuming his snoring. Maybe it was a response to someone in his dream world, but Kurt decided to assume the declaration was meant to comfort him.

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><p>The next morning, as was usual on weekends, Kurt rose before Blaine – regardless of the fact that he was exhausted from his lack of sleep. He would just take a nap in the middle of the day. It was an overcast day outside when he opened the curtains, and Kurt quickly closed them, as though the weather itself was a personal affront to him. He decided to do some yoga that morning, hoping the physical exertion might help to clear his mind. He pushed the coffee table aside and pulled out his mat from the corner of the room, trying to decide if he wanted some music on or not. In the end, he decided he would just hum. It would give his mind something to focus on.<p>

This was how Blaine found him, still in his pyjama bottoms, face to ground and butt in the air. He smiled sleepily and leaned against the door frame of the bedroom. "I know you're stressed," he said quietly, trying not to shock the other man, "When you hum while you're doing yoga." He pushed himself away from the wall and waited while Kurt moved to stand, rolling up his yoga mat. Kurt didn't reply, but frowned and nodded. "Why don't you just tell Finn you'd rather not say? You're not ready to talk about it?"

Kurt tucked the yoga mat back in its corner and walked to the kitchen, moving to get out the coffee. "Finn has always been there for me. Even before we were brothers…in his own 'I want to stay popular' way. I don't really want to keep something from him when he's outright asked about it. In the end, I know even if it bothers him, he'll accept me. The thing that's been bugging me is that I'm not sure about getting a sex change. I don't want to tell everyone and then not follow through…you know?"

"Not really," Blaine decided not to mention that Kurt still stood with his hand on the cabinet handle. He hadn't moved at all while he was talking. "If you decide not to do it, I don't think anyone will say 'But you said!' I know I won't."

Kurt nodded and continued making the coffee, as though he had never taken his long pause. "I'm going to go into work today," he told Blaine.

"What? Why? It's your weekend off," while he tried to keep his voice from sounding whiny, it was hard for Blaine. They didn't get to spend much time together and he _really_ didn't want to miss out on a weekend with Kurt just so he could go into work and avoid his personal issues regarding Finn.

"I don't know, I just need to focus on something other than myself for a while, I think."

"I think you need to reply to Finn. This is going to keep bothering you until you do. That's what I think."

"Ugh," Kurt let out a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a grunt. "I know. You're right. I just…feel…so muddled."

Blaine wasn't sure how to reply to that, so he decided not to. One of the perks of being with someone for so long was that conversations didn't always have to have a definitive end. It wasn't taken as an insult if you didn't respond, or if you stopped mid-sentence. When you knew a person well enough, you could do that. After a moment, though, he decided to change the subject. "Would you like me to make breakfast?"

"That would be nice. I need to wash the bedding today. I could get started on that."

"Okay." He opened the fridge and looked through the food, trying to decide what to make. When Kurt was in the bedroom, stripping their bed, he called out. "Kurt?"

"Yeah?" came a response.

"Don't go to work today. Stay home with me."

"Well, even if I don't go into work, I'll have to leave. I have some grocery shopping to do. And toilet paper's on sale…"


	10. You've Got That

Title: You`ve Got That (chapter 10/?)  
>Rating: NC-17 (man sexy times!)<br>Disclaimer: These character's aren't mine, I'm just using them as playthings...  
>Warnings: none.<p>

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><p>When Kurt came back from his shopping trip ("I have to go now, will you check on the sheets in a bit? You remember that time Bethany from down the hall stole your underwear? Well our bedding costs a lot more than that. I don't want to take any chances," he had said to Blaine in a rush as he grabbed his bag and hurried out the door) he didn't immediately see Blaine where he had expected to. Usually, Sundays found his fiancé at the coffee table meticulously grading exams, essays andor homework. He always wanted to give every student the benefit of the doubt and as such, often took longer to grade papers than the average teacher.

But when Kurt walked through the door, Blaine wasn't at his usual spot, hunched over the table, red pen in hand and a contemplative frown on his face. Kurt didn't see him at all. At first he thought maybe Blaine was down in the laundry room, checking on the bedding. But, no, that would definitely be done by now. And Blaine had never once made the bed in the years that they had been together, so he wouldn't be in the bedroom, either. When Kurt glanced around and didn't see a note, he shrugged to himself and assumed Blaine must have run out to quickly pick something up. He shut the door with his foot and headed to the counter so he could put down his groceries. Toilet paper didn't weight much, but it sure was cumbersome.

"Kurt?" Blaine's voice called out from the bedroom.

"Blaine? What are you doing?" Kurt stuck the chicken into the fridge before following his partner's voice to the bedroom. Blaine was lying on his stomach on the bed, flipping confusedly through a book. "Shouldn't you be grading papers?" Kurt asked, trying not to sound too bossy or controlling. He let a hand fall onto Blaine's head, running his fingers through his hair.

The older man waved away his concern. "I'm done," he said, "just a few late assignments this weekend."

"What are you doing?" Kurt repeated, angling his head so that he might see the words on the page of the open book. But Blaine abruptly shut the book and pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Well," he said looking sheepishly at the hem of his pants, "I was thinking about how much yoga helps you to clear your mind and how you always look so refreshed after you've done it. I wanted to try it myself, but I just can't understand any of these positions."

"Well, honey," Kurt smiled, taking the book from Blaine, "That's because you're reading my advanced yoga book. Why don't you start with something a little more basic?"

"This was the only book about yoga that I could find," Blaine whined.

"I don't need the beginner's books anymore. I gave them all to Carole. Come out into the living room with me and I'll teach you everything you need to know." He reached out and took Blaine's hand, leading him out of the bedroom. "First of all you have to be in something comfortable, that won't get in your way. I can't lend you any of my yoga stuff because it would be too small for you. So just strip down to your underwear." Blaine couldn't help but wonder if part of Kurt's command was for the man's own benefit, but regardless he shucked his clothing and stood with his hands comfortably at his sides. Meanwhile, Kurt pulled out his yoga mat and pushed the coffee table out of the way. "Alright, so were you interested in stretching your body, loosening your back, bringing more air into your chest?"

"Um, all of the above?" Blaine had never really listened when Kurt talked about yoga, so he wasn't sure what to expect of the experience.

"Alright, one of my favourite poses was, and still is, the downward dog." Blaine let out a clipped laugh before Kurt smacked him on the arm. "It stretches out all of your muscles. It's a great beginning and finishing pose." He illustrated for Blaine how the position should be done and then stood and made Blaine get into the same position so he could fix any errors. "Yoga isn't about being perfect, it's about doing what feels good. How's this?" He pressed lightly back on Blaine's knees so they weren't bent as much.

"I'm stretching all right." Blaine winced at how taught his hamstring felt. Then he felt a light pressure on his back.

"This should help you," he felt Kurt's hands lifting his hips slightly. Blaine tried to peek under his arm, but he couldn't see anything that was going on. He could however feel Kurt's hips hovering ever so close to his ass. He pushed back a little bit.

"That feels good," he whispered, pressing his body against Kurt. He was surprised to find the man was already starting to get hard. "Apparently," Blaine teased, "There's more than one good thing about yoga." He felt Kurt's hand slip around his waist, fingers tracing over the muscles there. Kurt let out a slow breath and canted his hips forward, one hand resting on Blaine's boxers, teasing at the sensitive flesh there, yearning to take them off. Blaine let out a hushed breath and pressed his palms into the floor. He could tell his face was flushed already, and his blood rushed to his groin, his stomach writhing. Maybe it was the way he shifted, or maybe it was the small buck of his body, but something made Kurt pull off the boxers quickly, letting them fall unceremoniously to the floor. Blaine heard a zipper being undone and his ears started buzzing.

They had sex with him facing away from Kurt all of the time, but there was something about being in this position, almost unable to move, ass in the air, ridiculously vulnerable and at Kurt's mercy, that made Blaine's face hot and his body shiver with anticipation. He heard Kurt spit into his hand – apparently Kurt was extremely aroused by this, too, he _never _let Blaine use spit in place of lube – and felt a slick pressure on his hole. His back attempted to arch at the delicious touch, but he couldn't do it in that position. Kurt pushed in two fingers and Blaine let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding. He grunted and rocked back towards the pressure, feeling Kurt's fingers brush softly at his prostate. Years together make sex fast and familiar, but it is oh so perfect when your partner knows exactly where to put their hand, just to make you do _that_.

After a few deft strokes with his curved fingers, Kurt pulled away, and Blaine moaned at the lack of contact. Kurt hushed him by petting at his sweaty back. "You ready?" he asked, not needing to, the keening sound Blaine was making was answer enough. Using one hand for leverage and the other to guide himself, Kurt entered Blaine quickly. It burned momentarily but was oh so perfect after that. The angle was amazing and made every thrust felt like a glimpse of paradise. Kurt had clearly been in a rush: Blaine could feel a cold belt buckle press into his naked flesh with every roll of Kurt's hips. Kurt let out a small sound, not quite a squeak or a grunt but something beautifully in between. One hand reached around to grab Blaine's throbbing member, deftly massaging it, moving up and down slowly and then faster until Blaine wasn't sure how much more he could take.

Kurt leaned over and Blaine's elbows almost buckled with the added pressure, but when there was a tongue licking slowly over his upper back, he forgot entirely about the pain in his joints. The skin on the nape of his neck prickled when Kurt breathed hot words over the short hair there, Blaine wanted so badly to touch, hold, massage his lover, but all of his limbs were working to support them both. Kurt gave Blaine's cock one more tug, felt his hot seed spill over his hand, and leaned back, pushing his hips forward with a final moan. Blaine felt Kurt come inside of him before pulling out. It wasn't until then that Blaine let his body fall so he was sitting on the floor. Kurt stood about him, pants stuck to his hips, his hand covered in cum, and a proud smile on his face. "Does your head," he swallowed thickly at the word, "feel any clearer now?"


	11. Difficult Truth

Title: Difficult Truth  
>Words: ~2,500<br>Rating: PG-13 (swearing)  
>Summary: Kurt and Blaine continue on their journey, Kurt faces insecurity head on and finally makes a decision. Burt remembers when Kurt was small.<br>Disclaimer: I don't make any claim to these characters.  
>AN: Sorry this took so long, I was on vacation and had no internet.

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><p>By Sunday night, when Kurt and Blaine were turning in, Kurt had yet to compose a reply to the message he had received from Finn. Blaine had cooked dinner and they had eaten quietly together, as comfortable conversing as they were comfortable enjoying each other's silence. After eating, they had done dishes together and watched the news. All in all, it was a relatively quiet evening, yoga sex notwithstanding. Kurt was undressing, gently dropping his dirty clothes into the hamper, when Blaine decided to ask about the e-mail. He hadn't wanted to bring it up and upset his partner, but he also felt that maybe sending the e-mail could give Kurt some sense of closure. Maybe having to think of an answer would assist him in figuring out if he really wanted this. He looked up from where he laid on the bed, and smiled lightly in the dimness of their bedroom. "So, are you going to get back to Finn?" he tried not to sound like he was pressuring, just as if he were curious, but he knew it came out all wrong when Kurt's body stiffened.<p>

Blaine glanced down at the novel in his hands, tried to seem nonchalant about the whole conversation. But the truth was that there was nothing nonchalant about this. They had both been on edge since Kurt's admission, neither one knowing where the next day might take them. Blaine didn't know how to be there for Kurt when Kurt couldn't even be there for himself. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders a few times, still waiting for an answer from Kurt, who was peeling off his socks. "I told you Blaine, I don't know what to say to him," he finally answered quietly. It was almost a whisper.

"Kurt, I want to ask you a question. I don't want you to get…mad at me though." Blaine put his bookmark on the page he was reading, shut his book, and set it down on the nightstand. He swallowed past the thickness of the fear in his throat and waited for permission to continue.

Kurt shrugged, too, but it was stiff and difficult to read – his back was still to Blaine as he pulled off his underwear. Finally he turned around, moving to get into their bed. "I promise I'll try not to."

"I guess that's the best I'm going to get?"

Kurt nodded and moved to turn off his bedside lamp and they were suddenly both swallowed in darkness. Blaine wasn't sure if that would make things easier, or more difficult for him. But he had started the conversation, and there was no way that he wasn't going to finish it now. "How can you not know?" his voice was higher than usual in his nervousness, his discomfort buzzed between the two of him. He didn't want to hurt his fiancé, his didn't want to insult Kurt, but he was confused and trying to find something, some life line, to grab on to, so that he could understand.

Luckily Kurt seemed to take the question the way Blaine had meant it. When he replied, he didn't sound angry, or hurt, just contemplative. "The truth is," he said, his hand searching for Blaine's under the blankets, "the more I think about it, the more I think I'm just…lost. Did you ever think about being a girl?"

Blaine squeezed his hand back. "Don't just give me the answer you think I want to hear."

"I'm not."

"Yes," Blaine turned to look at Kurt's face, even though the room was pitch black, and he couldn't even see the man's silhouette. "I thought about it once or twice. But never seriously."

"I thought about it a few times, too. But today, when I was _with _you, I was thinking back on all the times we've been together. I don't feel uncomfortable in this body, Blaine. I don't feel wrong. I think…I think I'm just not your traditional male."

"Kurt, are you telling me that you don't want to get a sex change?"

"I'm telling you that I don't know." Kurt's breath hitched and his hand fumbled for a moment with Blaine's. Suddenly his head was resting solidly on Blaine's chest. "I'm telling you that I don't know, and I'm confused. I'm so confused."

Blaine ran his free hand through Kurt's hair and murmured shushing sounds. "It's gonna be okay," he mumbled, wanting to believe himself, "we'll figure this all out."

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><p>At four o' clock in the morning, so his alarm clock said, Blaine rolled over to find Kurt's side of the bed empty and chilled to the touch. He heard the clicking of keyboard keys in the living room, and saw an electric glow underneath of their closed bedroom door. He pulled his pillow to his face and tried to ignore the twisting in his gut. He blinked, biting his lip, and rolled to face the wall, closing his eyes. He could get out of bed and go to see what Kurt was doing, but it was clear to him, no matter how it hurt him, that this was something Kurt needed to do completely and utterly on his own. Whatever it was that he was doing on the other side of that closed door, he clearly wanted his privacy. Blaine closed his eyes and willed himself back into a restless sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>They had been seeing the therapist for 2 months when she offered Kurt the opportunity to begin HRT. He was hesitant at first, but after a lengthy discussion that cost far more than Blaine liked to think about, it had been agreed that it was the best course of action to take. Blaine had rushed off to work after therapy that day, already late for his classes. He had promised Kurt that he would come straight home after work, so that they could continue their discussion. When he opened the door to the apartment, he found his partner sobbing on the couch. Bawling in the way that small children cry when it is all they know how to do. Crying so loudly and unabashedly that his breath came in dry heaves, snot and spit on his face, shoulders shaking. Kurt was sobbing so fiercely, Blaine feared that he might vomit from the force of it all. He dropped his briefcase on the floor, not even bothering to shut and lock the door, and ran over to the couch, wrapping his arms around Kurt.<p>

He swiped gently at the man's cheeks. "What is it, Kurt? Oh, God, what happened?" Kurt looked at Blaine and looked at his own hands, seemingly incoherent. He shook his head and let out a shuddering gasp before collapsing in on himself. "Kurt, please, tell me," Blaine begged him, rubbing slow circles on the small of his back anxiously. "Please, honey, what is it?"

"I can't do it!" Kurt dragged out the words, each one punctuated by a painful sounding sob. "I thought I wanted this, but I. Don't." He gripped onto Blaine's jacket, and pressed his head against his fisted hand, knocking his forehead against his knuckle.

"What don't you want Kurt?" Blaine didn't want to ask the question. Was Kurt talking about their marriage? Things had been strained recently, yes, with work being so busy for both of them, but Carole was planning on coming out soon to help with some of the planning, and everything had seemed normal enough. Smooth enough. They were still talking and communicating, even if Kurt had been a little more closed off than usual. Blaine tried to ignore the sudden sensation that he had to vomit, his stomach trying to claw its way out of his body through his mouth. He put a hand to his mouth and mumbled through his fingers, "What can't you do?"

"This whole sexual reassignment."

Blaine couldn't help it. He swallowed the anxiety and with his relief came a bark of happiness. "You, you don't want the surgery? That's what you mean?"

"Yes!" Kurt bellowed and began crying anew. Blaine leaned back on the couch and let out a gentle breath.

"That's alright," he said, unsure of how else to respond.

"We've spent all this money, told these people, now what? What will they think?"

"Who cares what they think?" Blaine asked, reaching to grasp Kurt's chin and tilt his head up to face him. "Who gives a shit?" He wiped once more at his lover's face. "You do what feels right to you Kurt Hummel. And if you _finally_ know exactly how you want to live your life, if you feel like this is the body you were meant to be in, if you don't feel lost anymore, and they aren't happy for you? _Fuck them_. They don't deserve you in their lives."

"I feel like everyone will think I was lying. Or making light of this kind of thing. I didn't mean to."

"Nobody will think that." Blaine kissed him, tasting the saltiness of tears on his lips before leaning back to pull Kurt with him so that they were reclining on the couch. "Nobody will think that."

_~1999~_

_Burt felt his small son's hand gripping tightly onto his as they walked through the overcrowded mall one evening, just before Mother's Day. The five year old was determined to find the perfect gift this year and for the last three nights had begged his father to drive him to every mall in Lima until they found it. Burt could hear something and felt a tugging in the palm of his hand, but the chatter of the hoard of people blocked out what his son was saying. He tugged the young boy over to the wall, so as to be out of the way, and crouched down. "What was that?" he asked, "I couldn't hear you?"_

_"I said," he put his hands on his hips, attitude evident from the day he was able to hold his head up, "can I have that dress?"_

_"No. Wait, what? What dress? You want a dress?" Kurt pointed emphatically across the walkway, to a small pink princess gown in the window of a dress up store. The manikin wearing it was adorned, also, in a tiara and bright pink shoes. Burt would be kidding himself if he didn't guess that Kurt would be wanting those as well. "Kurt, you don't want that dress. Dresses are for girls. You're not a girl, are you?" He asked, shaking his head._

_Kurt glanced at his father and back at the dress, before looking once again into Burt's eyes. "No, I'm not." Burt nodded and took his son's hand, continuing down the walkway. They didn't end up finding a gift for Elizabeth, it seemed all the fun was out of the shopping after that._

_That night, once Kurt had been put to bed and was snoring lightly with his teddy suffocating in his grip, Burt sat across from his wife at the kitchen table, trying to sort out their finances so that they wouldn't have to give up the garage. "Kurt did something strange today," he told her suddenly. She looked up from the pile of credit card statements sitting in front of her. _

_"What?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow slightly._

_"He asked me to buy him a dress," Burt commented, trying to sound as if it hadn't bothered him the way that it did. "A pink dress."_

_"I didn't see a dress," she remarked, "when you brought him home today. Was it too expensive?"_

_"Elizabeth," he put down his calculator, "you can't be serious."_

_"I am. Where's the dress? How much was it? I'm sure we can find a way to get it for him. His birthday's coming up."_

_"I told him he couldn't have it. He's not a girl."_

_"Burt!" She didn't shout, lest she wake their lightly sleeping son, but her husband knew she was seething, none the less. "What the Hell?"_

_"What? He's not a girl! Girls wear dresses! We'll have a daughter one day, and you can put her in all the dresses you want, Elizabeth."_

_"Don't you dare! This is not about my yearnings as a parent, this is about your closed mindedness. Kurt can wear whatever he wants to wear. The world is a cruel place Burt, he will be teased for being small, or for having the name Kurt, or for liking the color pink, but I never, _never_ want my son to feel uncomfortable being himself in _his own home_. He should feel like he can be himself here more than anywhere else."_

_"Of course he feels like he can be himself here!" Their voices were rising of their own accord._

_"Well, he won't anymore, not now that you've told him he can't wear what he wants."_

_"You know I didn't mean it like that."_

_"Well that's how I would have taken it, and I'm sure he took it that way, too." Realizing she was standing, muscles tense, Elizabeth forced herself to sit back down. "This isn't up for discussion, Burt. He is our son, no matter what he wants to wear, say, or do. We love him, no matter what. Tomorrow, you are going to go back to that store and buy him that dress. I don't care if you have to use the emergency card."_

_Burt shrugged but knew arguing back was moot. "Okay."_

_"I _refuse,"_ she said, swallowing at a lump in her throat, "to be part of a marriage with you if you won't encourage Kurt to be everything he wants to be."_

_Burt looked up and tried to ignore the burning behind his eyes. "Don't worry, Elizabeth," he spoke slowly, "it won't be a problem again. You're right." So many times, arguments had ended that way: Burt conceding defeat to his wife. The difference was, this time he actually meant it._


End file.
